Fade 2 Gray

Back to Blogging, I hope

2010-02-15T12:47:00.000-08:00

There's no way to try to catch up on the last few months, so I won't try. Not that there's been a lot to share. The end of 2009 marked the end of our year-long fast from sweets/desserts. To be honest, we did start eating desserts during the last week or so of December...with all the Christmas treats around we decided we'd basically met our goal, only "cheating" during Michael's birthday week while we were in Costa Rica and on my birthday. Below is a sampling of what Michael gave me on my birthday. It took a couple months, and sharing a lot of it with family at Christmas, to go through this pile:

We definitely learned self-control throughout the past year. There were a few times when it was really tough: homemade ice cream and fresh strawberries made by Michael's Uncle Kenny (my absolute FAVORITE dessert) during the summer, amazing chocolate cake while in Germany, weddings, birthdays...you don't realize how much and how often dessert is served until you are sustaining from it. I can definitely say I've weaned my sweet tooth. I drink my lattes with half the flavoring, I can eat a few bites or have much smaller servings of dessert, and, the real test is that we will have candy or some sweet in our apartment now, and it just sits there!! It used to be that if it was in our apartment, or in front of us, we had to eat it. Now they gather dust!

Another benefit of this fast is that we both lost weight. Recently we were looking at pictures from our first year of marriage...let's just say we both have lost a decent amount of weight since then! At that time we were living on the Oregon coast, eating a lot and rarely exercising. Not to mention the weight that most people gain after they get married, eating together and snacking together. Not eating desserts was part of it, but we also became vegetarians in 2009. Between these two eating habits, we ate very healthy overall. I planned our meals diligently, shopped to our grocery list, never buying junk food (this also helps a lot with sticking to a strict budget), and we simply ate healthier.

I noticed that the healthier we ate, the more we wanted to work out too. (P90X helped a lot too!) So, 2010 has begun with me feeling like I'm in the best shape I've been in in years.

Now it's back to being careful about our ice cream cravings!!

Wednesday

2009-10-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today's accomplishments:

-Got the oil changed. With our $25 Pep Boys reward card, it only cost $10. That was the good news. The bad news is they found something wrong with our front tire axle, and it might cost $250. Boo.

-Got gas.

-Got groceries. Referring to Monday's post about finances, we are trying to stick to our food budget. With Michael out of town this month for three weeks, we hadn't been using much of our food cash. We splurged and used a little of our food money to eat out (which is only cheating the envelope system, but oh well). So, as the end of the month draws near I had to sit and very carefully plan meals for the rest of the month, to incorporate what food we already have and not go over budget. That's how the cash system works, when the cash is gone, it's gone. This week I only had to spend $8, and next week I'll probably only spend about that much. I have to admit I was pretty proud of myself for making the meals work with what we have left, and they're still healthy. Dave Ramsey would be proud (though not proud of spending our grocery money on eating out!)

-Went to Bible Study.

-Went for a run and lifted a few weights. This felt like a big accomplishment today because I was not feeling like it at all. I mean, I washed my hair this morning and everything, so I didn't feel like having to get all sweaty. Excuses, I know. But at least I went.

-Blogged.

And, I'll sign off with this thought from my current reading on David. I am a verbal processor, one of the reasons I decided to start a blog. I also journal like crazy. And talk people's ear off, including my patient, listening husband after a long day of work. So, when I read this line I had to circle it and underline it in my book, because it describes me well:

Feelings can be a little like our laundry. Sometimes we can't sort them until we dump them on the table.

Tuesday

2009-10-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

Today I had some big deadlines at work. I normally go home by around 12:30, but I decided to push through and work, and ended up working until 3:00 without a lunch break! I felt a huge sense of accomplishment at getting my work done, and was complimented by some co-workers on my speed and efficiency on some of my recent projects. It feels good to take pride in what I'm doing, even if it's not my first choice in jobs at the moment. I'm thankful for a job, and one where I can feel useful and use my talents to help others.

I got home from work, ate lunch, and felt zapped of energy. I was going to go do my errands on my list today, but felt too tired. Instead, I opted to stay home and work on some of the home list.

Today's To-Do List Accomplishments:

-Take garage opener to be fixed, for the 5th time. I forgot to add this to the original list. This has been a perpetual problem. Our garage door opens randomly and we often go out in the morning to find it had been open all night. Apparently our door can also be opened by someone else's opener. Hopefully 5th time is a charm.

-Read and journaled.

-Fixed our two art pieces in the living room. When Michael was gone two weeks ago, I found these frames for an amazing deal, (I got them both for less than $15, which is a steal for frames, especially this size) and put them together before he got home. We bought the canvases in Rwanda, and knew we wanted to frame them and have them be our main living room art.

-Ordered my contacts. I've been putting this off for weeks. I just put off little things like this because I don't feel like it at the time, and it just makes life more hectic later.

-Began the application process for my California Teaching License. I had looked a month or two ago, and was overwhelmed with the thought of applying for a 4th license (I have one for OR, PA, and applied to CO in June). Tonight I feel much better about the prospects. It looks like they will take all my tests and credentials, so it's mostly a matter of filling out paperwork, paying some hefty fees, and getting my fingerprints done. Then, it will be waiting for months. One nice thing about California's website is they list the applications they are working on processing by the date they were received. Currently? They are working on applications from July. Which means even after my paperwork is in, it will be months before I see a license. Good thing I'm starting early.

Things I didn't accomplish today:

-Working out. But I'm okay with that. I sense a cold coming on, and I'm trying not to push myself too hard.

Monday

2009-10-19T19:34:00.001-07:00

Today I made a little progress on my To-Do List.

-Went to married's group last night. Check.
-Exercised today, despite a faulty dvd and thus no P90X and thus I had to go running. Check.
-Blogged today. Check (see below).
-Worked on my Bible Study stuff, journaled. Check, Check.

That was actually most of my day today, once I got home from work.

A few items to add to my list:

-Fix both art pieces hanging in our living room.
-Get a few groceries.
-Make banana bread for neighbors.

Wow, this list is getting long. It's a good thing I only work half days.

Just writing my list seems like I'm cheating myself out of a real blog post...

Last night at our married's group we talked about finances. We're talking about getting out of debt, perspectives on money, etc. We had a good discussion on how we have to change our behavior in order to really get out of debt. Not only that, but we have to check that our priorities are in line. Our American "needs" are so often not actually needs but "wants." Living in another country was a good reminder of that, but it's so easy to be back in this culture and to get caught up in the American way of life.

We are on our second month of living our budget, or "spending plan," through the envelope system (pulling out our budgeted cash for the month and keeping it in envelopes). Last night our leader mentioned that there are multiple studies (Citibank just did one recently) that show that even if you are using your credit card and paying it off every single month, never accruing interest, maybe to earn miles or some other reward, you are still spending an average of 25% more than you would if you were simply using cash. The plastic is so easy to justify spending a little bit more, to get that good deal!

Last month when we were visiting Oregon we saw some friends who will be debt-free in just two more months. They inspired me to come home and find areas to shave our spending even more, in order to put that extra money towards our debt. We are looking forward to D-Day: Debt-Free day when we can celebrate!

This Week's Agenda

2009-10-18T12:48:00.000-07:00

Michael is in Pennsylvania this week, until Saturday afternoon.

The last two weeks he was gone were tough. I found myself wasting time and not being productive.

So, this week I decided to come up with a to-do list, to keep myself focused and to help the time (hopefully) go by a little quicker.

Here's my list:

-Work on applying for my California Teaching License
-Get the oil changed on the car
-Order new contacts
-Organize/work on November birthday packages
-Clean off back porch and take all recyclables to the recycling place (Michael and I ended up doing this on Saturday, but it was still on my list)
-Exercise every day
-Blog every day (I haven't blogged every day in years!)
-Go to church's Young Married's group Sunday night
-Go to Women's Bible study on Wednesday night
-Keep up on my Bible Study reading
-Go to Young Married's group Pumpkin Patch activity on Friday night
-Figure out another part-time job, or something to do in the afternoons
-When bored, read one of the 7 library books I have checked out

I'm sure there are more things, but this will help keep me focused.

Blessed Be Your Name

2009-09-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where the streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's all as it should be
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

Every time I hear this song, or sing it in church, I weep. Yes, I am a crier. I cry at commercials and movies and cheesy stories on the radio, and when I have to say goodbye. I have always been rather sensitive at church during worship, and find myself crying, or just tearing up, at church and during particularly moving songs/lyrics.

But this song has always cut straight to the heart, and I can't really sing the song without tears. I haven't figured out all the reasons, but maybe partly because it is hard to commit to praising God in the midst of "suffering" and when in the "desert."

The song begins praising the Lord's name when things are good, because that's always easy. But the question that I always come to, is, can I sing those words with as much enthusiasm when "I'm found in the desert place"? The second verse does the same thing, begins with praise, "when the world's all as it should be," but can I commit to praise when I'm suffering?

"Though there's pain in the offering..." This line says it all, that I may not fully feel like praising the Lord in my time of suffering, but I'm willing to because He wants it, and He "gives and takes away," and I should thank him for both instances.

You Give and Take Away...There's something about repeating this line, over and over, that gives me the strength to believe it. Oftentimes as I sing this line I think about our miscarriage, coming up on two years ago. I think about the future, and that someday I know God will give to us children, whether biologically or othewise.

You give and take away, But my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be your Name.

Off to Idaho

2009-06-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning we're driving to McCall, Idaho to spend time with Michael's family. We're excited to see his family and enjoy McCall in the summertime.

We were hesitating to go because we don't want to miss any job interviews/opportunities, but we've been sitting around for two weeks without any leads, so we're chancing it. I have applied to more than 17 jobs now, so my odds have to be increasing, right? If I don't get any of them, it means there are at least 17 social studies teachers in town looking for a job. Hopefully I'll get an interview soon.

In the meantime, we're going to enjoy seeing family.

Whose Plan?

2009-06-15T20:14:00.001-07:00

Have you ever felt the Lord leading you a certain way, only to later question that call?

I'm feeling this to a small degree, as the job possibilities get more slim every day. I've applied to more than 15 jobs now, and every day more of them are filled without even an interview. At the same time, new jobs open every day, as I applied to two more just an hour ago. To date, I've had one interview, and that was a phone interview before we even arrived in Colorado.

We know we are supposed to be here in Colorado. I just have to keep reminding myself that our life here and our job situation may end up looking differently than I had first imagined. Isn't that always the way it works? I was getting so excited about the possibility of having my own classroom and having my own students. I'm not saying it can't happen, but I am trying to accept the possibility that I may have to substitute again this Fall. Ugh.

Michael's prospects aren't that much better. Right now we are feeling a bit restless and useless as we are both unemployed and not sure how to spend our time.

I just need to stop doubting and have a little faith, knowing that my plan isn't always His. In college I always clung to the following phrase, a quote from, at the time, one of my favorite TV shows, "Seventh Heaven."

"We Plan, God Laughs."

Back to Blogging

2009-06-12T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'm back to my own blog. It's my space to process and write separately from what we experience as a couple, and this week I'm thinking a lot about trusting the Lord for our/my future.

I'm feeling slightly discouraged about all the job applications I've submitted. I've applied to more than 12 social studies positions here in Colorado Springs, and a few of the positions have been filled already. I've had one interview (which ended up being over the phone because we were still in Oregon), and had expected more by now.

So, I'm trying to be patient and put this all in perspective. In some ways I'm sitting better than a lot of people in this economy right now. At the least, if I don't get hired for the school year, I can work as a substitute. At the same time, I've been getting my hopes up a lot about the idea of having my own classroom and getting to teach, so I'd be majorly disappointed to end up subbing again. Maybe the Lord has different plans that I can't see or understand right now. Apparently I have yet to master the art of patience.

Soon

2009-01-09T00:04:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't checked out our other blog recently, I've been posting there.

I'm not sure what I'll do once we get to Rwanda. We'll probably post pictures on that blog more often, so I may do more of my own thought processing here.

We are so excited to be leaving in less than 5 days. I have no doubt the Lord has been in this process, and it makes me anxious to begin to see all the ways God will be working over the next few months.

People keep asking us what our biggest fear or apprehension is, and my reply usually has to do with figuring out our future. A big purpose of this trip is to help us determine whether or not we may feel called to Rwanda longer term, and to see in what capacity that could be. We are praying that doors open and close and we have clarity about future jobs. But also, I want to be present to our time in Rwanda, and not be too focused on what's next.

I'm sure I'll have other prayer requests as time goes on.

10 days!

2009-01-03T16:01:00.000-08:00

I've been wanting to write a blog post for a while, but it just hasn't happened. And this one isn't going to be too exciting either.

We are leaving in 10 days, and are keeping busy with all the preparations. It's a lot of little things, like buying 3 months worth of shampoo and toothpaste (and figuring out how much we actually use in a three-month time period), packing, seeing people, and so much more.

And now we're off to run more errands.

Four Years Later

2008-12-17T21:59:00.000-08:00

Today is our 4 year Anniversary. Even now, looking at pictures from our wedding I can't help but think, wow, we were really young. I wonder what I'll think in another four years.

We've experienced a lot in four years...

We were married at the end of finals week in between semesters during our senior year at George Fox. After graduation in April 2005 we headed on a road trip to Alaska for four months. While we were in Alaska we decided to apply at Twin Rocks Friends Camp for a one-year camping internship.

During our year in Rockaway Beach I felt led to apply to graduate school, to get my Master's degree in Teaching. I spent the spring taking tests and preparing for graduate school. We left TRFC on a Sunday, and I started graduate school the next day in Salem, Oregon, in August 2006.

During our year in Salem Michael began taking classes to prepare for graduate school. We visited Eastern University that spring and decided we'd be heading back there in the fall. In August of 2007 we packed up the rest of our stuff that we hadn't already sold in a garage sale, and headed in our Subaru across country. We had a great year in Philadelphia, though we had a few heartaches along the way. In September, we headed back to Oregon to await our upcoming internship. In less than a month we will be heading to Kigali, Rwanda for three months, and then....

Whoo! We've been all over the place. It's exhausting just thinking about it. But, we've had fun and grown a lot, and our marriage has strengthened through each adventure.

I'm looking forward to what this next year will bring.
Happy Anniversary Michael!

There's no place to go...

2008-12-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

This week we have been stuck inside every day. Not only because of the snow storm, or the "Arctic Blast," as the local news channels are labeling it, but because our household all came down with the flu at the same time.

We've been watching a lot of movies, eating a lot of chicken noodle soup, ginger ale, and saltines, and feeling cooped up inside.

We had our computer in the shop for a few days, and so I haven't been able to post any pictures.

Last week I turned 26. To some of you, that sounds young. But to me, I am feeling old! I used to think I would have all of my children before I turned 30. Well, the way things are looking I doubt that is going to happen. And, that's ok. My plan is not the Lord's.

Michael threw me a party for my birthday. My friends came over and we played games, ate pizza, and had the ever-important ice cream cake. He took me out to lunch and we went shopping to get a few items for Rwanda, including a new backpack and a new coat from REI. I had to work on my actual birthday (I believe that's the true sign of becoming an adult), so Michael made me my birthday pancakes and a birthday white chocolate mocha. It was a great birthday and I felt so loved. Now I'm just old. :)

I'm Proud of You, Michael!

2008-12-13T13:03:00.000-08:00

In case you didn't know, after two years of school and online classes, Michael has officially completed his MBA in International Economic Development. Be sure to tell him Congratulations!

A black Black Friday

2008-11-30T16:17:00.000-08:00

On Black Friday we dared to go out. Why? Well, we had been planning on buying a new camera for weeks and needed to be with my mom to use her Costco card. (We didn't even benefit from any extra Black Friday sale price.) Since we were home for Thanksgiving we went for it.

The positive part of the day was that for the first time there was virtually no pressure for us to buy anything. Both sides of our families are choosing not to exchange presents as a family, but to spend that money by giving it to someone in need, or to some good cause.

On the way into town we were listening to the local Christian radio station. They took a break from the music to recite the Pledge of Allegiance over the radio. The DJ said that we must be thankful and give allegiance to "the greatest nation on God's green earth," or something to that effect. Michael and I exchanged perturbed glances. We both agree that too often blind patriotism is a little too closely presented alongside God's will. In other words, why do so many Christians believe that God only wants to bless America? But that's a little off topic.

Immediately following this recitation was the news, where they mentioned this story about a man who was trampled to death and a woman who miscarried at a Wal-mart in New York at the opening of Black Friday.

We should have turned around and headed home right then. We didn't, but I sure noticed the irony of the greed and horrific consumerism that is so opposite of anything Christ stands for, and is ingrained in the culture of "God's greatest nation."

My heart goes out to that Wal-mart worker's family. (There are some news reports that the miscarriage report is unfounded, though it was announced as news and fact on Friday).

May God have mercy on our American lust for "stuff."

Our own Christmas village

2008-11-30T14:48:00.001-08:00

For as long as I can remember, my mom has been collecting and adding each year to her Christmas village. When my parents built their current home they built the mantle over the fireplace with the village in mind.

Michael and I helped my mom set up the village this year. It took the three of us over three hours to put it all together. This is because it's more than just placing some figurines around the buildings. The village has a story, and each figurine is placed to tell part of the story. And of course, as we place each piece we have to explain what is happening, such as the couple ice skating on the pond who have been in love for years, or the doctor walking home from work. Oh, and Amy Grant's Christmas music was blaring in the background.

We took plenty of pictures as we set up the village. Michael and I just got a brand new camera and were having fun playing with it as we worked, so many of these shots are our attempt to use our new camera.

Here is the mantle before we started:

The church always goes up on the hill looking over the town, on the far left of the village. This is the "country" part of the village, with the barn and farms and the houses. Further to the right becomes the city, with the town square, the inn, the watchmaker, the post office, the bakery, the newspaper, the school, and the train station. To the far right is the lighthouse, next to the ocean.

The Village Square, with the carolers, the shoppers rushing home with their presents, the ice skating pond, and the fountain in the middle of the town:

A must-have for any Christmas village: LOTS of snow!

This is one my favorite "stories": This is a mother with her young children waiting for her husband, who has been away for a long time, to come home on the train. He has just gotten home and is hugging one of the children in front of the train station.

The whole village:

I have a wonderful husband who not only helped set up the village and untangle the messy knot of cords and wires, but was patient as he listened to my mom and I explain each piece and figurine to him for three hours. Now that's what I call a Love Gift!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-30T14:37:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving we headed to Mill City, Oregon to spend time with my parents. My sister and her two boys came down from Washington, and my brother, his wife, and their two kids came also. The only person missing was my little brother who is in Virginia in the Navy. We had a wonderful meal, with my mom's tasty homemade stuffing. It's the best!

This is my cute niece:

And these are my adorable nephews:

There is so much I am thankful for. What comes to mind immediately is my family, as well as the blessings of community and all the love and support we are being surrounded by these days as we prepare to go to Rwanda. I'm thankful for God's touch in my life. I know that as I trust in him he will continue to guide our steps.

I'm Thankful

2008-11-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday night we checked our email and received our first financial update regarding our fundraising for Rwanda. I have never had to raise financial support for anything like this before, so this is all a new experience. I shared in an earlier post how I have been a bit intimidated by the process. In fact, for a long while Michael and I had been searching for a job/internship that would specifically not require getting support. But here we are in the middle of the process, and now I'm getting to see the other side of the coin, the part where I get to see God working, not only in our lives but in the lives of so many who are feeling led to support us both financially and prayerfully.

I don't know if I can really articulate how I felt as we looked over those first numbers, except to say that I was awed. Truly. I am humbled and so grateful. The generosity and support from friends and family this soon after sending out letters brought me to tears. Not to mention the numerous emails and inquiries from many more indicating a desire to support us.

We are so blessed to have a community like we do. Thank you.

Michael posted a thermometer to track our funds progress over the next few weeks and months on our other blog. Check it out!

Goodbye TRFC Hello Quaker Hill

2008-11-29T20:21:00.000-08:00

I've been intending to blog for a little while now, and the blog posts are piling up in my head. I'm going to attempt to catch up over the next couple days, so stay tuned.

Last Monday we headed to Twin Rocks for the last time as camp staff family. This will be the first Christmas since Michael and I started dating that I/we haven't been out to the coast during Christmas break (this would have been the seventh year for me). Michael's parents, Bev and Wayne, have officially moved to McCall, Idaho so Bev can begin a new job at Quaker Hill Camp and Conference Center. On Monday night the camp had a farewell gathering and dinner, and we were blessed to be able to attend. It was special to hear all the ways the Chapmans have blessed the camp and the staff over the years. Ken, the director, put together a game, "Are you Smarter than a Chapman?" which was fun. The Chapmans won, but Joseph Thouvenel gave them a run for their money!

Twin Rocks has been a special place for all the Chapmans, and we have a lot of memories there. I spent three summers there on summer staff during college, and Michael and I spent a year there as interns after we were married. We have spent countless other times there visiting family and friends, and know Twin Rocks will always hold a special place in our hearts!

Below are some pictures from the Farewell. Michael and I also had to commemorate the occasion with a visit to a place on the coast we may not see for quite a while.

Advent Conspiracy

2008-11-17T14:48:00.001-08:00

This last weekend was our church retreat at Twin Rocks. It was a good time to connect with friends and meet some new ones.

The theme for the weekend centered around the passage in Mark that tells us to love God and love others as ourselves. On Sunday we watched a video from the Advent Conspiracy. (To see the video, click here, and then scroll down to the video called, "Enter The Story.") The idea is to give presence instead of presents this year for Christmas. But it goes beyond that. It's reclaiming the original purpose of Christmas. It's realizing that $10 can give a child clean water for life and that $10 billion dollars is all it will take to solve the clean water problem in our world. Americans spent $450 billion on Christmas last year. So, if every person pledged to buy one less present this year and spend that money on helping with this problem, we could really start to see some change.

Our family has begun to talk about what we can do. Last year, instead of spending tons of money just to buy each other random gifts, we pooled our money together and bought a bicycle for a missionary in need. I am excited about passing this tradition down to my own children someday.

The following 4 points are taken from the Advent Conspiracy website.

Worship Fully.

It starts with Jesus. It ends with Jesus. This is the holistic approach God had in mind for Christmas. It’s a season where we are called to put down our burdens and lift a song up to our God. It’s a season where love wins, peace reigns, and a king is celebrated with each breath. It’s the party of the year. Entering the story of advent means entering this season with an overwhelming passion to worship Jesus to the fullest.

Spend Less.

Before you think we’re getting all Scrooge on you, let us explain what we mean. We like gifts. Our kids really like gifts. But consider this: America spends an average of $450 billion a year every Christmas. How often have you spent money on Christmas presents for no other reason than obligation? How many times have you received a gift out of that same obligation? Thanks, but no thanks, right? We’re asking people to consider buying ONE LESS GIFT this Christmas. Just one. Sounds insignificant, yet many who have taken this small sacrifice have experienced something nothing less than a miracle: They have been more available to celebrate Christ during the advent season.

Give More.

God’s gift to us was a relationship built on love. So it’s no wonder why we’re drawn to the idea that Christmas should be a time to love our friends and family in the most memorable ways possible. Time is the real gift Christmas offers us, and no matter how hard we look, it can’t be found at the mall. Time to make a gift that turns into the next family heirloom. Time to write mom a letter. Time to take the kids sledding. Time to bake really good cookies and sing really bad Christmas carols. Time to make love visible through relational giving. Sounds a lot better than getting a sweater two sizes too big, right? Need a few ideas? (Head here!)

Love All.

When Jesus loved, He loved in ways never imagined. Though rich, he became poor to love the poor, the forgotten, the overlooked and the sick. He played to the margins. By spending less at Christmas we have the opportunity to join Him in giving resources to those who need help the most. When Advent Conspiracy first began four churches challenged this simple concept to its congregations. The result raised more than a half million dollars to aid those in need. One less gift. One unbelievable present in the name of Christ.

In what ways do you plan to be intentional in celebrating the true spirit of Christmas??

Our other blog

2008-11-17T14:39:00.001-08:00

Round two of letters went out today. It's exciting to be at this point in the process, but it's also a reminder of how far we have to go.

Michael and I are going to be trying to post updates about the process on our mutual blog, which is chappiage.blogspot.com. Part of the purpose behind this is to share about what we're experiencing together and have a place to post pictures and experiences while we're in Rwanda. We both will still use our own blogs for personal reflection.

This may prove to be too zealous, but for now this is our plan.

Soldiers of Conscience

2008-11-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

I just read about Soldiers of Conscience, a new film from PBS’s “P.O.V.” series, which investigates the issue of war through the voices of soldiers on both sides of the issue, those who believe in war as just and moral, and those who don't.

I'm interested in this movie, and this topic, because I think it's easy to stand on one side of the issue and point judgemental fingers at the other side. This is where the name of my blog came from, the idea that some issues aren't as black and white as we like to think.

The following is taken from an article about the movie. The second paragraph especially stood out to me:

The film features eight U.S. soldiers and the common ground of their conscience. Each faces the same question: to kill or not to kill. Four of the eight believe deeply in the necessity and morality of war, that the strong must protect the weak, and that war and lethal force are morally justified at appropriate times. The others believe equally deeply that killing is never justified, and that peace can only be obtained by individual stances of courage and conscientious objection.

Basic training at Fort Jackson, South Carolina, introduces the film’s topic. “Kill, kill, kill without mercy” is chanted across a field as fresh recruits begin training. Major Peter Kilner, a West Point professor of ethics, shares the surprising fact that 75 percent of soldiers in World War II never fired their weapons at the enemy. S.L.A. Marshall, a World War II historian, found that one in four soldiers of that war became conscientious objectors. The army decided they needed to fix that, Kilner says, so soldiers are now put through “reflexive firing training,” which is designed to bypass natural moral reaction and decision-making.

But such a bypass will eventually require a reckoning, and Kilner has noticed the emotional and spiritual struggle many soldiers meet once they arrive in Iraq and are confronted with the momentous choice to kill or not to. Soldiers can only kill because they’re taught to, Kilner says, but “we never explain to them why it’s okay.” Nor is there much mention of killing when soldiers come home. “We don’t talk about it,” Kilner observes. “It’s a taboo to talk about.”

And the discussion continues.

Video in Rwanda

2008-11-07T13:16:00.000-08:00

My sister-in-law Amy posted a video yesterday about Rwanda. I could have tried to post it here, but I've never posted video before and thought this would be easier. So, for those of you who don't already read her blog, I encourage you click on the link above and watch it.

Watching the video Sara Groves made of her visit in Rwanda brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't help but imagine myself holding the camera, interacting with the people of Africa. My heart has always tugged when I watch things like this, and I am looking forward to experiencing this in person.

I'm even more excited about going to Rwanda in January after watching the video, so thanks Amy for posting it!

2008-11-06T17:02:00.001-08:00

Last week we received our (mostly) official budget for Rwanda. We need to raise about $11,000, and our goal is still to arrive at the beginning of January.

I have never had to raise financial support like this before. When I was in elementary school I remember asking a few neighbors and close family friends to sponsor me in our annual Spell-A-Thon. We also sold some holiday popcorn tins a few times as well. As far as I can recall that is my experience with fundraising. I don't like asking people for money. I don't like owing people money. I am always aware of money issues, such as pooling money for a gift or chipping in for gas. It always feels a little awkward to be on the receiving end, even when it's agreed beforehand that everyone will contribute.

I've had many friends and family members raise support for various trips or longer-term missions. I've heard all kinds of amazing stories about how the funds came in at the last moment by some anonymous donor and saved the trip. I have no doubt that the Lord has worked in mysterious ways and provided in unexpected ways for many of my friends and family members.

Now it's my turn.

And I'm humbled by it all. Recently Michael put a Facebook group together called, "Send the Chapmans to Rwanda!" At first I had a little bit of a bitter taste in my mouth about that. It seemed bold and new. The purpose of it is to keep people up to date of our plans and to raise awareness of our financial and prayer support needs. Again I felt humbled about asking for support (mostly financially, I don't seem to have a problem asking for prayer support.) And then I started realizing how many people are excited for us-how many people God wants to use to send us to Africa-how many people will bless us and be blessed by supporting us.

Our current status is trying to get our letters sent out as soon as possible. Again, it's humbling, it's exciting, and it's in God's hands.

Letter to the future 44th President

2008-11-05T15:03:00.000-08:00

Dear Mr. President-Elect,

Congratulations and you're welcome for my vote.

I am feeling a lot of emotions regarding last night's results. I am excited and ready to look forward to what the future has to offer. I am brought to tears at the thought of seeing our country move beyond our racist past. I am fearful of being let down, though I think it will be inevitable to some degree. I am anxious for those Americans who don't trust you to get to know you and accept you, and I am hoping that many of the misconceptions and blatant lies about you will come to surface and be cleared in the next few weeks and months.

I have faith and hope in you, but more importantly, in Christ. Jesus Christ is who I must put my ultimate faith and trust in, not you, Mr. Obama. But I am excited for what your election will do for our country and for the world.

I am excited at the possibilities including healing relations with many other countries and focusing on poverty and the needy, issues I'm hoping to see a lot of change in. (I especially appreciate your emphasis on getting to the root of many problems of poverty and social injustice, and look forward to seeing you do that).

As an educator I am excited about your emphasis on education. As a social studies teacher I am excited to be a part of this historic time. It is a very big deal that you have been elected as the first black president of our country. I see the potential for a lot of healing to happen. There is still a lot of racism in this world. I imagine that my own children someday, as well as my future social studies students, will not quite grasp the significance of this time. Why? Because having a black president will be all they know. I will have to teach them the significance so they will not take it for granted.

I know that you will have a lot on your plate over the next few weeks and months. Frankly, that is what concerns me a little. I'll be honest, I don't think you can do everything you want to do, or have promised, and I don't think it's realistic to assume otherwise. I know that as President you will be more limited than we like to believe during the campaign season. And, I know that the realities of politics say that you will be looking to solidify your chances for a second term even as we are still winding down from getting you into your first, and this means you may make decisions with that in mind.

I worry about how people who did not vote for you, including many Christians, will react to your election. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. I know that you are a Christian and not a Muslim. I know you value your faith and I pray that you will turn to Christ to lead you. I pray you will learn to value all life, including the unborn. I know you care about those less fortunate than yourself, and I pray that guides your administration.

Speaking of your Cabinet, I pray you surround yourself with people full of wisdom, and that you seek guidance from God-fearing individuals. I'm happy to see you in contact with people like Donald Miller and Jim Wallis. This gives me hope.

I voted for you because I believe you will look to the "least of these" in our country and around the world. I voted for you because I believe you are passionate about helping our country get out of the muck and mess that we're in. I voted for you because I like your emphasis on education. I voted for you because I am a statistic, one of the many without health insurance, and I believe in your plan. I voted for you because I believe you have the potential to be a good, maybe even a great president.

So, Mr. Obama, I pray that you will not forget the promises you have made. I pray that God will use you in ways we can't imagine. I pray you will be humbled by this.

I will be praying for you because you are my leader and God has instructed me to do so.

May you seek Christ every day and in every decision you make.

God Bless every global citizen; we are each created in His likeness.

And God Bless you, as you take on the challenge of leading this country for the next four years.

Sincerely,
A Christ-Follower Who Happens To Be An Obama Supporter

It's Under Control

2008-10-22T19:38:00.001-07:00

Last week I had strep throat and was stuck at home all week on antibiotics. I missed out on at least three jobs, which was a bit frustrating, and now I'm trying to get back into a routine. Luckily, tomorrow will be my third job for the week.

Things are progressing with our plans for Rwanda. We were officially accepted with EFM (Evangelical Friends Mission) yesterday. We're waiting for the final budget, which should be done sometime in the next week, but the numbers we've seen so far, even for a three month trip, are looking like we have a lot of work to do! It's a little intimidating, and scary, but I'm learning what I think just about anyone does who has to raise financial support: God's got this one under control and I just need to trust.

Thoughts on Not Being a Patriot

2008-10-16T10:11:00.000-07:00

I grew up in a family very involved in the military. My sister was in the Oregon National Guard, my brother is currently in the navy. I have cousins in the army, and a history of family members in all branches of the military.

I grew up with the idea that this has been their patriotic duty, and I want to clarify, right now, that I absolutely respect and appreciate each and every one of them and their own personal decision to fight for our country.

My own journey, however, has brought me to a different place. I'm not sure when I started to really question war as an entity, but it's been happening for some time. During college I studied history and therefore wars. I remember having discussions with Michael about war, and it was truly the first time I'd really heard a pacifist point of view. I could appreciate it, but I really felt like there were times when war was required, especially from studying the historical events leading to many wars. And now I find myself saying what Michael was saying to me only a few short years ago, that we think war is necessary because it's in our frame of reference, it's all we know how to do to handle problems.

I'm not sure if I'm a "pacifist." I probably am but haven't quite come to terms with that label. And to clarify, being a pacifist does not mean you don't take action, or that you are passive. It means you are not using violence to achieve your means.

Pacifist or not, I no longer think war is justified. Ever. (For more on the Just War Theory and Just Peace Theory click here.) I don't believe a Just War Theory exists. War is never just. I don't believe Jesus would have us fight in any war. Yes, there was some warfare in the Old Testament, but Christ came to change that (see link for Jim's blog at the end of this post that covers some Old Testament war issues).

And here's where the ultra-patriotic Americans will have a problem. A few months ago I had a turning point. I was at a family reunion and an older relative was asking me about my husband and if he'd ever served in the military. I replied no, he hadn't, and probably never would (if there were ever a draft, I think he'd apply as a Conscientious Objector), being a pacifist and all. And my great uncle, having children in the military, said (paraphrase), "Well, I guess we will leave the fighting for our freedom to my children," implying that someone needs to do it.

This is where I've always had a conflict. Again, I appreciate that so many feel this desire to keep our country safe. But I've had a problem over the last few years with the verbiage that is used to describe America as God's country, and the pride that makes us think we are better than every other country in the world. It actually sickens me. But as I thought about this conversation a question or two emerged: Who says America must be kept safe (especially when killing others is the requirement)? Where does it promise in the Bible that we will be safe and live in freedom?

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my freedom and can't imagine living in a country where these freedoms don't exist (though I may live in a country like that at some point in my life). But, I don't think it's justifiable to demoralize our enemies in order to feel okay with killing non-Americans that get in our way of staying great. And a close look at the Bible shows that many of God's people lived in captivity of other great nations, and through their suffering God worked in them.

To some, this is blasphemous. Unpatriotic. Crazy and Liberal! But I don't care. Because at the end of the day, I am a citizen of Christ's Kingdom first, then a citizen of this world, and lastly a citizen of America. In that order.

Our friends Jim and Karri (Karri is in the same program with Michael at Eastern) are currently serving in Burundi to fulfill Karri's internship requirement. Jim recently wrote a fantastic post where he is wrestling with some of these same issues of non-violence. Instead of copying the whole post, here is the link to his blog. If you really want to understand where I am getting this idea of non-violence from the Bible, Jim provides a long list of places in the Bible where this is discussed, and also provides some quotes by some of the earliest Christian thinkers in regard to war. I would absolutely love to hear feedback on these passages.

I'll end with one that spoke to me as I read his blog. Why do we think we need to gain the whole world, to conquer and defeat our enemies, for the sake of "Freedom"?

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul?” (Mark 8:34-36)

The Meaning of "Life"

2008-10-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

For those friends and family who are trying to understand some of my views, I found an article that may help you understand me just a little better. This is a link to another blog I read, and this is where you can find the article. The following is from the blog:

The article will be the cover article in November for Sojourners magazine. It’s called “The Meaning of ‘Life.’” For the article the authors interviewed 21 Christians from nine cities around the country, representing 6 ethnicities and aged between 26-66. They were asked about the issues that matter most to them. The key discussion that takes place in this article is that ‘life’ is still a really important issue for Christian Evangelicals and for a majority of the people interviewed here it is being interpreted in far broader than has been typical for those influenced by the Religious Right.

One of the main points includes the idea that being "pro-life" goes far beyond the abortion issue. This is true for me. Though I may disagree with some of Obama's specific stances on abortion, I believe his platform on so many other issues much more closely aligns with my idea of "pro-life." The article also covers war, caring for creation, and social justice issues.

I'd love to hear any thoughts or reactions.

Our latest plans

2008-10-14T12:03:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in a while, but I've had quite a few posts rolling around in my head lately.

With the election drawing close, I have had a few thoughts I've considered posting. I had made a decision recently to stay clear from politics for a while on my blog. I was getting emails and comments from mostly family members who think I've become a "crazy liberal." And maybe I have. It's something I'm increasingly passionate about (not politics itself but the issues). There's something about our two-party system that is divisive and that's when I'd rather stay clear for a while. But stay tuned, I may not be able to stay quiet for long.

For an update, Michael and I are settled back in Oregon. I have begun substituting, though a little more sporadically than we'd like. Michael has had a hard time finding a part-time job in the area. He is keeping busy with his online classes as well as all the paperwork to get things moving for our internship in January.

As of now, we are working towards going to Rwanda in January. Through a series of events Michael began talking with a family in Rwanda about an internship possibility. The Thomas family has begun a development project that will be getting off the ground in December/January, and it will be a great time for Michael to be able to see how things are run in this type of business. We've decided to go for three months. We have to raise support and are in the middle of that process right now. We have a lot of work to get done and at times feel overwhelmed by it all. But, we are excited about this opportunity and are praying that this time in Rwanda will be a time of discernment for us. We are not sure what will be after Rwanda. We're using this time as a "vision trip," in part to see if we may feel called to go back to Rwanda longer term, or to see what other opportunities may arise there or elsewhere during our time there.

I will try to post regular updates about this process. We are excited about it all and trust that the Lord is guiding us in this direction for now.

Mitch Thomas

2008-10-01T16:32:00.000-07:00

This week I found out that a friend from Spokane passed away. I spent my elementary and middle school days growing up in Mead, Washington, and we moved to Oregon right before I began high school. We had started attending a new church and my parents had become official members at Timberview Christian Fellowship. My dad had helped with some of the building of the new church.

We felt welcomed and at home at this new church, and this was largely because of Pastor Matt Thomas and his family. This week one of their sons "graduated to the throne of God," as his family described on the blog they kept. Mitch was diagnosed with Leukemia in May of 2007. He married his sweet wife in the hospital just a couple months ago. If you have a few minutes to read the blog, it's a wonderful testimony of God's love and grace during a difficult time.

My memories of Mitch are few, but it's been a blessing to be reminded of the kind of person he was by the comments on his blog and by all the support him and his family received.

Mitch taught me to snow ski. He was a couple years older than me, so at the time he was a sophomore in high school and I was an eighth grader, which is worlds apart at that age. We went on a youth trip and he spent the entire day with me. I had never skied before, and he was a patient teacher.

I also remember a time when Spokane was hit with a crazy ice storm, and we lost power for over a week. Mitch and his family came over and we played pinochle by candlelight.

My heart aches for the Thomas family. Please pray for them as they are grieving and finding Christ in all this.

Lord, Make Me a Good Steward of Now

2008-09-27T15:30:00.000-07:00

This week I went with a friend to her ultrasound appointment. There had been slight concern and she was just getting everything checked out. As we were waiting in the room for the doctor I realized that this would be my first ultrasound with a living baby. This also happened to be very near the one-year mark of my own miscarriage, so I felt a little emotional as it was, and I was hoping and praying everything was OK with this baby.

As soon as we saw the heartbeat on the monitor I began to weep. Tears were streaming down my face and I just got all blubbery. I knew I might cry a little, but my emotions just flooded down my face. I was so thankful the baby was healthy, and to see the heartbeat of a tiny, tiny baby really is a miracle. I'm sure there was some element of me remembering my own single ultrasound when the screen was turned away from me and there was no heartbeat, and thus no joy in the moment.

So, the rest of the day I continued to feel extra emotional. Michael always knows just how to respond to me. We were reading our devotions together, and the chapter was called "Spring/Summer/Fall/Winter." The basic idea is predictable, that each season has different purposes. During the Spring we plant seeds. We are full of hope and anticipation. Spring is important because what happens in this season affects the rest of the year. Summer can be long and tests our perseverance. Fall is when we reap our harvests. This is when we receive blessings that we hoped for during the Springtime. Winter is a time to slow down and reflect on the previous three seasons. It's a time of rejuvenation.

The part that has been on my mind all week was in the prayer that followed:

Father God...May we realize that we must be good stewards of our seasons.

This is my prayer this week, that I may be a good steward of this season of my life. To be diligent and focused and to realize that I cannot skip ahead to the next season, but rather must wait patiently and be intentional in this one.

The final question: In which season of life do you find yourself in?

Then and Now

2008-09-20T16:27:00.000-07:00

One year ago today I was in shock.

One year ago today I felt that a part of my heart was missing.

One year ago today I was lying in a hospital bed, in a town I had been living in for only a couple weeks, awaiting an open time slot for surgery.

One year ago today I couldn't stop crying.

One year ago today my expectations changed.

One year ago today Michael and my relationship was strengthened.

One year ago today I had questions without answers.

One year ago today I was trying to understand.

One year ago today I discovered the importance of having a strong support system of family and friends.

One year ago today I found myself relying on Christ, because I didn't know what else to do.

One year ago today we lost Baby Chapman.

One year later I am hopeful.

One year later I am healing.

One year later I am still waiting.

One year later my expectations keep changing.

One year later my husband is still my best friend.

One year later I still have questions, but am at peace with not having all the answers.

One year later I realize I may never fully understand in this lifetime.

One year later I am thankful for friends and family, and getting to be close to some of them here in Oregon for a little while.

One year later I have to daily trust the Lord about our future, and must be patient and wait for His Perfect Timing.

Today, I am remembering our loss. Today, I am looking forward to the future.

Home Sweet Home

2008-09-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

We're back to Oregon. I almost cried as we pulled through Portland, I was so excited. There's definitely a feeling of being home for us.

A few reasons I'm happy to be back to Oregon:

No humidity!
The Oregon coast...Twin Rocks
Reconnecting with friends and family
Seeing my nieces and nephews
Newberg
Chapters Coffee...Stumptown!
Free wi-fi everywhere
Newberg Friends Church
Good pizza (especially Papa Murphy's)
Good Mexican food
I'll be working just one job
Time for scrapbooking
Fred Meyer-Oh, how we have missed one stop shopping!
Cost of living is much less than Wayne, PA
Our roommates for the next few months: (I took these pictures in July...April, Hudson, and Caleb...Luke is missing from the pics)

A few things I miss from PA:

Friends
White chocolate mochas from The Gryphon (where Michael worked)
Dunkin Donuts Coffee (not the same out here)
Being close to some exciting places
Being close to some of my family

Hmmm...that's all I can think of for now. I'm glad the first list is longer.

Road Trip!

2008-09-08T18:44:00.000-07:00

Our car the morning we left. The rack is loaded and so is the inside as you can see in the next picture.

Chapman, Kansas near Abilene, hometown of Dwight Eisenhower (for you history buffs). Chapman Creek is right behind this sign also.

Driving into the west means we get to see the sunset.

We've been in Colorado Springs since Thursday.

Pike's Peak
(History Trivia: This is where the inspiration came for the song, "America the Beautiful.")

The famous donuts at the summit.

Isabelle didn't have donuts, but I think she enjoyed her sweet potatoes...

We decided to enjoy the nice weather and go on what we dubbed The Family Walk. We even brought the dogs.

I can't resist taking lots of pictures...Can you blame me?

Uncle Mike Time

Driving Home

2008-09-06T07:01:00.000-07:00

We're in Colorado Springs, CO. We arrived here late Thursday night after driving for 18 hours to get here from Indianapolis. We're excited to spend time with Tim and Amy, and our niece Isabelle.

Our last week in PA was crazy, as we were trying to pack up our apartment, take our stuff to Amtrak to send it all home to Oregon, sell all of our furniture on craigslist, tie up all the loose ends, and Michael was trying to work on his two online courses for the Fall (Yes, we keep saying he's done with classes, but he actually still has two more online until December). But we made it, and we are happy to be on on our way. Most of our friends from PA had already left, though not all, and it was sad to watch the community we had slowly erode. It is exciting too, to see our friends prepare for their own overseas adventures.

The next few days and weeks and months will be spent processing this last year as well as preparing for our upcoming time abroad. Michael and I are really looking forward to being back in Oregon and using it as a time to reconnect, reflect, and prepare.

"Tiny"

2008-08-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

We are in the middle of packing up our apartment. We leave a week from yesterday, and we don't want to wait until the last moment to pack. We're sending some stuff on Amtrak, and just fitting the rest in our car.

Last night I was going through one of our closets and I found a box of clothes. It was a box Amy had sent me when we were pregnant last Fall. It was full of some maternity clothes, a book about pregnancy, and our first and only piece of baby clothing we received while we were pregnant. It was a little 6-12 months Onesie, yellow, and it said "Tiny" on the front. It was so cute. I was thinking about the fact that it was a piece of clothing intended for a specific person (our baby), and it sort of hit me. We never had an ultrasound (until we went to the ER), and so this little yellow outfit is the most tangible evidence I have that we were pregnant at one point.

I got sad. I started to cry. Michael walked in while I was holding it up. He hugged me. He wiped my tears. He understands my heartache, and shares in it.

This whole Waiting-Until-We-Have-The-Next-Phase-Of-Life-Figured-Out is difficult at times like this, when I am reminded of not only our loss, but the Uncertainty of our future. As always, I am just waiting upon the Lord (or trying to) and learning to trust in His timing.

Washington DC trip

2008-08-27T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we headed south for Washington D.C. It took less than three hours. We had a fun day, meeting with my uncle at USAID, as well as seeing a few of the sites. We only had a few short hours in the afternoon, so we didn't see a ton, partly because we spent over two hours in the Holocaust Museum. It was an intense experience, although Michael and I agreed that going to Dachau near Munich, Germany was even more intense. But I recommend this museum to anyone, especially if you've never had the chance to go to Europe.

The great thing about all the tourist sites in Washington D.C. is that everything is free. You need tickets, but it's pretty much all free. If we had wanted to, we could have spent just a couple dollars in advance to reserve tickets. It would be a great family vacation, the biggest cost would be getting there! And, it's educational!

US AID (Agency for International Development)

Stickin' it to The Man (IRS building)

World War II Memorial. This was new since I had been here in early high school.

Another view of the WWII memorial.

The whole monument is surrounded by pillars with the name of all the States and territories. (53 total) We found Oregon...

...and California right next door.

In front of the Lincoln Memorial

In front of the White House. I'm not looking at the camera because there was a huge flock of geese flying right over our heads and I was afraid they were going to leave a present on my head.

My Great-Uncle George. He works for USAID and the main reason we went to DC was to see him. He set up a few meetings with some people who are very familiar with the country we will most likely be going to in December.

Washington Monument

View from the top of the Washington Monument. This is the view onto the Lincoln Memorial.

View of the White House

When I was born my mom worked in DC on H Street, so I took this picture for her. Enjoy mom!

NYC

2008-08-25T16:07:00.001-07:00

This last weekend we went up to visit Nick and Lindsay. They just moved to a town about an hour and a half north of NYC so Lindsay can go to grad school. On the way to their apartment I noticed they lived really close to Hyde Park, NY, where FDR was born and is buried, and had a home. So of course we had to go visit. We also went to see the Vanderbilt Mansion, which was huge. Both houses are on the Hudson River, with beautiful views.

On Sunday we went to NYC. We did everything you could think of to do in one day: Ferry to Statue of Liberty (we skipped Ellis Island so we could do everything else), Rockefeller Center, Central Park, Empire State Building, Times Square, World Trade Center (Ground Zero), and we even hit a few places we weren't planning: M & M world, Radio City Music Hall, Letterman's studio, and even the Apple Store. We walked all day but it was so fun to finally see "The City."

M & M World.

Ferry to Liberty Island

Vanderbilt Mansion. It was huge!

At FDR's house.

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The Bros and their wives

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Late Night with David Letterman

Rockefeller Center

Riding the subway

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Vanderbilt gardens
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Ground Zero (I had to take the picture through the fence.) It was crazy to see this place and realize it's already been almost 7 years since the attacks. You would almost think it was just a construction site if you didn't know any better, and if you didn't notice all the memorials around.

Tomorrow we head to Washington D.C. Yes, we are trying to fit in as much as possible before we leave, one week from Wednesday.

Goodbye East Coast

2008-08-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I haven't had much time lately to blog, I barely have time to check my email these days. Every night when I get home from work we have something to do, including trying to pack up our apartment. Next week is my last week of being a nanny. We already started selling our furniture on craigslist, and have been boxing up stuff we know we won't need until after we return from overseas.

We started saying our goodbyes last week to most of our friends here, and that's been sad. I have always been terrible at saying goodbye. When I was little, my grandma used to come visit from New York, and so did our friend Kim, and whenever either one of them left I would ball my eyes out. And that sense I get when saying goodbye has never left. So, these goodbyes have been sad, but they also signal the end of another chapter, and the beginning of each of our next adventures. Uganda, India, Sierra Leone, China, Democratic Republic of Congo, possibly Liberia, Rwanda, and Tanzania...these are all places someone from the program will be working in. And the work and passion of these people will do great things, I have no doubt.

We have a place to live while we're in Oregon! Our close friends Luke and April have offered us a room in their apartment while we're back in the northwest. This is an answer to prayer, as we weren't sure what we were going to do, and they offered this to us out of the blue. We lived with them in Alaska as well, and couldn't be more excited about reconnecting with our friends who are like family to us.

This weekend we're heading up to New York to see Nick and Lindsay (Michael's brother and wife) who just recently moved out here as we are heading back west. We are going to go into "The City" which I'm excited about. I'm hoping to see some tourist things, like the Statue of Liberty.

I promised pictures

2008-08-14T14:54:00.001-07:00

A couple weekends ago we went to Baltimore with my aunt and uncle. I drove their big boat for a while. And, Domino Sugar is headquartered on the harbor, and of all the sites in Baltimore, this is what we took a picture of.

Last week I took the train to Buffalo, via NYC. I had a two hour stop-over and decided to walk around "The City" for a little bit, since I've never been there before. I saw the Empire State Building (and went to the Starbucks underneath it) as well as Times Square.

Niagara Falls

I have a few more pictures plus some video to post of me on a couple crazy amusement park rides. Coming soon...

The countdown for OR begins...

2008-08-12T07:09:00.000-07:00

I got home Sunday night from a visit to upstate New York, near Buffalo. My mom flew in from Oregon (she was born and raised in NY) and we got to visit with many friends and family. I also attended a family reunion and saw many great-aunts and uncles whom I haven't seen since I was very young, as well as cousins and grandparents. Because I grew up on the west coast it's not too often I get to see this side of my family, but have always felt a solid connection to many of them. I will post pictures soon, as we got to do some fun things, like visit Niagara Falls and go to an amusement park.

Tonight is my last night working at the restaurant! It's been almost a whole year since I started, and I'm glad to be done. We still have a couple weeks left here, since I am still nannying, but Michael is done with his classes at the school on Wednesday (he still has two online classes through December). The next few weeks will fly by as we continue to prepare to head back to Oregon, as well as get ready for an overseas internship. We will probably be in Oregon for a couple of months, which is a little longer than we orignally thought, and are working on the details of where to stay and what to do (work, raising support, etc.) while we are there.

Please pray that we can continue to discern where God is leading us and for how long.

Just call me Melissa Poppins

2008-07-28T17:47:00.001-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while. Not a lot has been happening since I got back from Oregon.

I've been nannying, which is great. In the last week I have done the following: Played mini-golf, played probably 10 games of Monopoly (we've declared Mondays "Monopoly Marathon Monday," played lots of other games, seen "The Bee Movie" in the theater, made sugar cookies, read a lot of books out loud before nap time, watched a group of 4-year olds at "Princess ballet camp," been to the pool a few times, done arts and crafts, tutored math and spelling, played on the monkey bars and trampoline, blown a lot of bubbles, made homemade popsicles, and given a few time outs...

All in all, I'm really enjoying it. The kids are well-behaved (minus occasional sibling rivalries and typical 4-year old tantrums), and we have a lot of fun.

In other news, Michael is down to only a couple weeks left of school. His official last day is August 13th (besides the online classes for the fall). We're still working on our field placement, but we think we have a pretty good idea where we might be going. As soon as we know for sure I will post on here. In the mean time, we are planning on heading back to Oregon at the end of the summer, when I'm done nannying. We'll probably take our time and make a trip out of it again. If everything goes as we think it may, we'd be in Oregon for a while (maybe a month or two?) before we head overseas.

As our time here comes to an end, we've been realizing how much of a community we have built among the other graduate students and spouses in the program. A couple weeks ago Michael and I started hosting a weekly gathering of food and hanging out, just to make the most of the last few weeks here. The talk lately is of everyone packing up and heading out; we're having a mutual garage sale before we leave, and very soon. That makes it seem very real.

Home Sweet Home

2008-07-15T18:00:00.000-07:00

I'm home from Oregon.

I had a lot of fun, although I missed my husband tremendously. I knew he was missing out on all the fun and seeing all the family, (especially the nieces and nephews) so I tried to take pictures of everything we did (some of which will follow shortly).

The biggest bummer, besides missing Michael, was getting a speeding ticket on the way to a wedding. NOT fun!

It was so fun to see all FIVE of my nieces and nephews, including my newest nephew who was born June 6th.

Isabelle loves her new favorite toy Elmo, from Uncle Mike. She also loves to wear her shirt we sent her from PA.

A couple of Oregon sites I miss:

Beach time with the family:

We made these beach bags. Even Isabelle got one!

The girls won mini-golf.

I took this picture of me eating Tillamook ice cream (to show Michael what he was missing out on). I got a triple scoop for the first time ever, and people kept staring at me!

Is there anything more adorable?

Chicken Ranch Pizza from Upper Crust. Another shot I took for Michael. Pizza on the east coast is no good.

My brother's two kids.

Our "adopted" nephews. Our best friends' two boys. We moved to Oregon two weeks before Hudson was born, so this was the first time I got to see him.

I was able to go to two weddings.

The first one was a friend from George Fox. The four of us girls lived on the same floor for two years.

The second wedding was a Fox/Twin Rocks friend. It ended up being almost half of our staff from 2003 were there (including our directors), a mini-five year reunion! Such a blessing.

I had a wonderful week. It was so fun to see a lot of people at Twin Rocks that were there for camp that week. We even got to see our pastor who was staying next door! I am home rejuvenated and ready for what comes next: an internship overseas. (When we know where we are going, I promise that I'll post something).

Oregon Here I Come!

2008-07-03T16:13:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving tomorrow for Oregon! I'm really excited, except for the part where Michael has to stay here while I go hang out with all his family.

Today I was officially asked to nanny for a family for the summer. I interviewed over the weekend, and ended up watching the kids yesterday and today. And it's been so fun! The kids are super well-behaved, we do some schoolwork, crafts, play games, and we'll be going to a park nearby lots this summer, as well as the pool at the YMCA. There are three kids, two boys (10 and 8) and one girl (4). They are all fun ages for different reasons. I'm already thankful this has worked out this way because I feel like I enjoy myself much more with these kids (than with the other family I was possibly going to work for) and just have a lot more peace about the situation. And, the timing works out so great because I can start right when I get back from Oregon.

I need to go pack. One good thing about me traveling alone is I don't have to worry (as much as I would if Michael was coming) about having my apartment clean before I leave, as my mother-in-law and sister-in-law are so worried about (though I did try to stock the fridge and freezer with easy meals for my husband and our new roommate.)

Update

2008-06-26T12:20:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been pretty eventful. Here's a highlight of what's been going on and what's coming up:

Two weeks ago Michael had his Commissioning Ceremony (sort of like graduation but not). Michael was chosen by his classmates to speak and did a great job. It's crazy to think we're down to a couple months left.

Last weekend we went to a wedding up in New Hampshire. We also got to visit friends from Oregon in Boston, and we stayed with some friends from Eastern in Maine. Here are some pictures from the trip:

Cheers Bar in Boston

The Johnsons and the Chapmans

Wedding in NH

This would have been a cute picture...

Our friends from Eastern. This is a lighthouse in Portland, Maine. Now we've been to both Portlands! (Are there more than two?)

My nanny job fell through, so I'm working on finding something else to do for the summer.

Michael starts his final Summer term next week. We still aren't sure about where we are going for the Fall. It's been a frustrating process trying to find a job placement. There are a few other couples in the program that are in the same boat we are, but no luck so far.

I'm flying home on July 4th to spend a week in Oregon. I'm super excited to see friends and family, (including all my nephews and nieces), and I am going to 2 weddings, which works out really well. Can't wait!

2008-06-14T18:40:00.000-07:00

Here is a video of me that was made by one of the teachers at the school where I sub. I thought some of you might enjoy this.

Supreme Court Decision chips away at Bush's Executive War Power

2008-06-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

A couple of months ago I read a book (Five Years of My Life: An Innocent Man in Guantanamo, by Murat Kurnaz) about an innocent man held in Guantanamo Bay for five years. (I also blogged about it here). The book prodded me to learn more about the situation there, and I was stunned and mortified at the U.S. government for its role in placing prisoners there, as well as individual military members and their lack of respect for basic human deceny.

Yesterday the U.S. Supreme Court ruled in favor of basic Constitutional rights, regardless of what country a person calls home. Basically, the ruling gives detainees a chance to defend themselves and challenge their detention. Since 2004, this issue has come up three times in the courts, and each time the ruling has been against the government's (and our president's) claim that "enemy combatants" are not subject to the same rights as U.S. citizens, and the ruling made it clear that George Bush's war on terrorism tactics are illegal and beyond the scope of his power as President of the United States.

As a country with a loud voice (the loudest) in this world, and one who espouses democracy and equal rights to all citizens, we have a duty to extend these rights beyond our borders. If not, why should other countries be bound to be decent to us when we are trespassaing in their domain?

School's out for the summer...sort of

2008-06-12T05:57:00.000-07:00

The heat has become bearable again. On Tuesday night there was a crazy thunderstorm. Our lights kept flickering, and thousands of people lost power, possibly for a few days. I guess around here it stays humid and hot until the thunderstorms break the heat. The storm was in and out within a number of hours, and the weather is more pleasant (still in the upper 80s).

Tomorrow is my last day of substituting! That's a cause for celebration. But more importantly, tomorrow is Michael's Commissioning Ceremony. It's sort of like Graduation, in that they wear a cap and gown, and go through the motions of a graduation, but they are not receiving a diploma, yet, because they still have to finish this summmer term, plus another summer term, plus the classes and the internship in the fall. But I'm really looking forward to it because Michael was nominated by his classmates to give a speech, and it's going to be great! (I know he's nervous but seriously, I have so much confidence that everyone will be touched by his words). I felt a little badly about it because I may have sort of guilted him into accepting the nomination, but it's only because I knew he'll have the right words to say. So honey, good luck tomorrow! Break a leg! Knock 'em dead!

Heat wave

2008-06-10T06:12:00.000-07:00

Here on the east coast we are in the middle of a heat wave.

Yesterday the temperature was 99 degrees, with a heat index of more than 105, and today is likely to be the same. And it's humid. Michael and I are definitely not used to the humidity out here. (I was already sweating at 6:30 this morning as I was getting ready for work). Luckily, on Friday we finally fixed the A/C in our car, and also got a unit for our bedroom from some friends. It makes a world of difference. I have a feeling we will be spending most of the summer in our bedroom, where it's nice and cool.

This weekend we went camping and on Sunday afternoon as we were home and both getting ready to head to work, the power went out. I have to say that the power going out because of the heat (overuse of A/C units, etc.) is a new one for us west coasters. There were a few blocks around us that lost power, in fact, the restaurant I work at went out. I arrived to work and they let me leave (and a half an hour later the power came back on, but I was long gone).

Yesterday the school I work in let out early because the local elementary schools have no A/C, and it is unbearable for them in this heat. Today most schools all over the Philadelphia area are having half days, including mine, which means that tomorrow is my last full day of subbing (Thursday and Friday are half days).

I saw on the news yesterday that today's air quality levels are reaching very unhealthy for our area, and it is encouraged to stay inside when possible. There is an "excessive heat warning" in effect until 8:00 tonight.

All this heat and humidity makes me miss Oregon...

A run to the gym anyone?

2008-06-06T09:17:00.000-07:00

Today I stumbled across this nifty bit of info.

What do you think is the #1 Worst Food in America?

Take a guess....

What's your guess?

Well, I'll tell you.

This is extra interesting to me because most of the items in the top 20 Worst Foods are foods I've never eaten.

But this...

I used to work at this restaurant...and I LOVED these...

Weighing in at a mere 2900 Calories

AND

182 grams of fat

AND

240 grams of carbs...

Drum roll please...

Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing

But really, what was your guess for the #1 Worst Food in America?

Tag! I'm it.

2008-05-29T07:58:00.001-07:00

Denise tagged me, so I thought I'd reply, if only to spice up my blog.

5 things in my bag:
(I'm going with my school bag, which is more interesting than my purse)

1. Book of Jumbo Crossword Puzzles-I never know what I will be doing on a given day, so I always try to have these with me to escape complete boredom.

2. Book of Sudoku puzzles. (See Number 1)

3. God's Politics, by Jim Wallis. (Also see Number 1). I've been working on it for a while, and it's a great book, but I have to be in the right "mood" to read it.

4. Hot pink Nalgene from Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp (where Michael worked during college) with an Obama sticker I picked up while visiting Hope, PA.

5. My cell phone, with a picture of my niece, Isabelle, as my wallpaper.

5 Things in my Bedroom:

1. A mattress on the floor. We don't have a box spring because we couldn't fit one up our very narrow staircase. We planned on finding a split box spring, but 8 months later it still hasn't happened...

2. Bookshelves. We use these as dressers. They are much cheaper than dressers, and also serve as a night stand.

3. A chair and ottoman. Recently we discovered we can get Internet from one very specific corner of our bedroom when we put the ottoman in front of the window with an upside-down egg crate on top. This way the laptop is level with the window, and makes for excellent wi-fi signal. (Um...in case you were wondering, yes, we're getting Internet from an unsuspecting neighbor. Not sure the moral implications there...)

4. A wall hanging from China. When we lived in Alaska for a summer our friends we were living with traveled to China and brought this back for us.

5. A quilt. My mom made us a quilt for our wedding, and it's currently on our bed. We have a heavy comforter for the winter, but recently we switched to this lighter quilt, because we live on the second floor of a non-air-conditioned apartment, in a place with high humidity.

5 Things I have always wanted to do:

1. Travel to more European countries. I visited France, Switzerland, Austria, and Germany during college, but I'd love to see Italy, England, Ireland, and actually, I'd love to visit some of the same places as before, especially Paris. We lost our backpack towards the end of our 3-week trip, and along with the backpack we lost our camera and all the film from the trip (we didn't have digital yet).

2. Live in another country. This will probably be happening in a few short months.

3. Have a healthy baby. Be a mom.

4. Be really disciplined about working out and eating well. I'm always working on that. I have a little problem with self-control, and a soft spot for sweets, and the two often go too closely together. But, I think I've worked out more consistently this past year than I have my whole life (not including being a part of an athletic team), and it's easier to eat better when we're on a tight budget and create weekly meal plans.

5. Become a morning person. I don't know if this will ever be possible, because I am very much a night owl, and married to one. But, I've heard it could happen after I start having kids.

5 Things I'm currently into:

1. Listening to The Swell Season, and the Once Soundtrack (see my previous posts). Usually I can only listen to a CD a few times before I need a break from it, but I really can't get enough. It's always on in the car and/or at home on Repeat.

2. Watching Lost online. I started watching Season 1 of Lost a few months ago. It gives me something to watch on the Internet, since we don't have a TV, and also something to do when Michael is doing lots of reading for school. I'm in the middle of Season 3 right now. The only bad part is that I hear bits and pieces from this season from friends or online, and I know that some of the characters will be dying at some point...and I keep waiting...

3. Scrapbooking. Although, it's been a while since I've done it because I really need to print pictures. But I love it! It's a therapy for me. I got our entire wedding album done after our miscarriage. Like I said, it's therapy.

4. Reading. I'm always going to the local library and checking out multiple books to read. What can I say? I'm a bookworm tried and true. I usually get through a few books each week.

5. Trying to site-see as much as possible on the East Coast. We have been here for 9 months and haven't come close to visiting all the places we want to see. We have less than 3 months left, and are trying to figure out how to fit it all in with our busy schedules.

5 people who need to do this:

1. Bev. I have tagged her before, and I, like Denise, am tired of reading the same entry from almost a year ago!! (And I know you have time-You're on vacation!)

2. Michael. You need to update your blog. Seriously. You have readers and we have nothing to read.

3. Ricker. Because your posts make me laugh, and we need more of them.

4. Tim. Because your last post was in February. And because I've tagged you more than once, too. And I know I'm not alone when I say that I want to know what's in your bag.

5. Sherry. Because I like reading your blog!

If you've caught the Swell Season fever (like me)...

2008-05-23T04:55:00.000-07:00

For those of you who want to hear what Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova from The Swell Season sound like, there are a lot of videos on YouTube you could watch. I'm not that great with uploading videos, so I thought I'd give you this link to another blog with videos posted. Also, this blog has a great review of their show in Portland from a month ago, with details that I didn't give but were the same at the show we saw. And, here's a good review of the movie, Once.

Michael and I have been playing their music non-stop-in the car and at home. I can't seem to get enough.

Pictures from The Swell Season concert

2008-05-21T16:03:00.001-07:00

Here are the pictures from the concert we went to last night. (See previous post).

In our seats.

The lighting made it hard to get a good picture, but this was our view.

Here we are getting their autographs.

Posing for a picture.

Happy Early Birthday Michael!!

2008-05-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

This year for Michael's birthday (which is this Saturday), I wanted to find something fun to do to build a memory, instead of just buying him random stuff that he really doesn't need, and that we may have to get rid of when we downsize again to go overseas.

I was struggling to find tickets to anything at a decent price.

And then...

Last weekend we rented the movie Once. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. It's an Irish musical movie with amazing music and a sweet story. It's refreshing. It is rated R due to some language (common in foreign films), but there is no sex or nudity and is so easy to watch. And, if you are a music lover--even in the slightest--you will love this movie! One of the songs from the movie won an Academy Award in February 2008 for Best Original Song.

So, we watched the movie and I decided to find the soundtrack to get Michael for his birthday. On Monday I was doing some research and found out that the couple in the movie, Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, had also put out another CD, The Swell Season, which included a few songs from the movie as well as a few new ones. I also discovered that they were touring in the United States. I looked at the dates and saw they were going to be in Upper Darby, PA (20 minutes from our apartment) at the Tower Theater the very next night (last night)!!

To make a long story short, I was able to find tickets on Craigslist for less than half the price, and I was able to find someone to cover both of our shifts at our jobs for Tuesday night (we were both scheduled to work).

Yesterday after school I got home and told Michael he was getting his main birthday present early. I told him neither of us were going to work (which was a surprise-I was able to pull it off!) and that we had plans. After attempting to get a little homework done, I gave him his present. In it were two CDs: the Once soundtrack and The Swell Season CD. Then he opened the card and found the tickets to the concert.

The concert was amazing. I can't even really give it enough credit. It was the best concert I've ever been to. The music was amazing. They had a piano, a cello, a violin, drums, guitars, and the voices all blended together so well. The set of songs they played were phenomenal. It was the last night of their tour, so they came back on stage after the Standing Ovation and played for another 45 minutes, saying they weren't in a hurry since they were finishing their tour. The opening band played from 8-9, and then when The Swell Season came on stage around 9:15, they played until midnight.

Granted, our seats were pretty far back (there were maybe four rows behind us), but it didn't matter.

As we were walking to our car afterwards, we noticed a small group of about 15 people waiting around by the back entrance, right across from the tour bus. We figured they were waiting for the band, and we thought, "What the heck? Let's stick around and see if we can see them."

We waited for 30-40 minutes, during which band members slowly left the building. And then Glen and Marketa came out. Marketa got on the bus, and as we all cheered, Glen stopped, said something to Marketa, and then crossed the street towards us. We got to meet him! And then Marketa got off the bus and came over too! We met them both, asked them to sign our CD, and took pictures with them. It was a small enough group that people were talking to them and asking questions. They were very down to earth, funny, and happy to answer questions, despite the fact that it was almost 1 am and cold outside.

Basically, it was an amazing end to an amazing night of music! I couldn't have planned it better if I had tried!! If you haven't seen the movie or heard the music, trust me, it's worth your time. (I will post a picture later tonight.)

Happy Early Birthday Michael!

My husband knows me well...

2008-05-20T09:13:00.001-07:00

Last Friday I had decided to take a little nap before I made dinner. I was groggy when I woke up and needed a little "pick-me-up." And this is why I love my husband, because he knows me so well...

As I started moving slowly around the kitchen, Michael put a CD in the player and went back to his homework. The music? None other that the Backstreet Boys. Yes, I am not ashamed of being a Backstreet Boys fan. Every time I hear that music it ignites a spark in me. I can't help it. My body starts moving to the music, and I belt out the words. Within a few minutes I was dancing and singing and wide awake.

Whenever I have to drive long distances and need to stay awake, there are a handful of CDs that I always rely on to keep me awake (because I know every word and sing out loud to them as I drive). Backstreet Boys and Dixie Chix are my staples. Michael has gotten used to my taste in music, and I suspect that at times he actually enjoys my choices, though he may never admit it!

Pictures at last

2008-05-14T10:42:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to post some pictures from the recent family visits.

While Nick and Lindsay were here the weather was amazing, in the 80s. Here we are eating our Philly Cheesesteaks. There was a big rally going on for a guy on a death row and we sat and watched them march by. (Not sure what's going on with Michael?)

Amy and Isabelle stayed with us for over a week, and Tim joined us for the weekend.

Whenever I had a moment alone with Isabelle, and I had my camera with me, I tried to take a picture. A sampling:

Michael also had a lot of fun with his niece:

Michael was convinced that by the end of the week Isabelle would roll over. (She did, literally a few hours before they left!)
Here he is giving her a "pep talk."

We had a lot of fun "girl days," site seeing and hanging out.

We were in Lancaster County, home of many Amish. Who could resist putting a bonnet on this adorable head?

Amish Buggy

(Tim and Michael were with us, but we took another girl pic)

Random late night...Do you think they are related?

To be fair, here's one of us all (We were playing motorboat. If you don't know what that is, you are missing out on many laughs).

Mother's Day

2008-05-12T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a "blah" day for me.

I can't explain it, I just felt blah. We slept in and Michael made me breakfast. I didn't really feel like going to church on Mother's Day. As I've said before, in so many ways I'm doing really well. And granted, there are a few other things going on in our life right now that added to how I was doing emotionally that day. But I just felt like staying home and spending some time with Michael. So we stayed in.

I found myself thinking about all my friends and family who have suffered some kind of loss or miscarriage, or even those friends who are currently "trying" and frustrated. To others we may not "count" as being mothers yet, but the day holds meaning to us, too.

To you I want to say, Happy Mother's Day. Our time will come.

Summer is getting so close I can almost taste it!

2008-05-08T06:57:00.001-07:00

It's been a crazy few weeks. Today Michael will turn in his last paper for the semester, and has a break until the middle of next week, when Summer Term 1 begins.

I've recently changed my work schedule again so that I can have weekends off (mostly-I still work Sunday evenings). I'm down to three days a week and am really excited about having more time on weekends to hang out with friends and just enjoy our time here. Michael and I are both realizing how fast time has gone-we've been in PA for almost 9 full months-and have not done the kind of site-seeing we've wanted to. We're hoping to take advantage of the last few months, along with the warmer weather, to experience different parts of the East Coast.

We'd like to take a trip to Washington (As in D.C. Out here they simply say "Washington," and if ever there's a reference to the state, it's "Washington State"). We're probably going to a Yankees game (Sorry Ken!) in a couple weeks, which will be fun because they're playing the Mariners, so we can represent for the Northwest. We'll also see "the city" (New York City), as neither of us have been there either. In June we'll be traveling up to New Hampshire for a wedding and hope to see some of the beautiful sites of New England. I really want to go to Boston.

Hopefully with all these plans we'll have some pictures to post. I'm also going to try to post some pictures from the family visits we've had recently. Now that Michael is done with finals I may actually get to use the computer at home to upload pictures!

Mother's Day

2008-05-07T07:12:00.000-07:00

This morning I was reading Jim Wallis' blog (see previous post), and I came across this discussion about Mother's Day.
According to the blog this is how Mother's Day began:

Julia Ward Howe, the creator of Mother's Day, pleaded with women to speak out against war, not only for the sake of their sons, but for the sons of mothers across the globe. Today, mothers must not only seek peace for their sons, but for themselves.

And yet another reason I have a hard time with the (especially American) military mind-set:

60 Minutes did research in the 1990s that found that domestic violence was five times more common in U.S. military families than civilian families. And that was during "peace time." During war, the numbers become far more gruesome. During the Rwandan genocide, UNICEF estimates 150,000 women were raped in the 100 days of conflict. Today, the remnants of that violence have ventured into the Congo and 27,000 sexual assaults were reported there by the United Nations -- in just one year, in just one province.

Getting into heaven

2008-05-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

I'm reading this book right now (God's Politics: Why the Right Gets it Wrong and the Left Doesn't Get it, by Jim Wallis). It relates directly to my recent posts regarding politics and Christians. It's awesome. I've been wanting to read it for a while and finally picked it up.

In the first chapter Wallis discusses how the "conformity of many conservative evangelical leaders to the political Right and its agenda that favors the wealthy over the poor and middle class just doesn't make sense..." to Christians and non-Christians alike.

Then he shares this:

In Matthew's twenty-fifth chapter, Jesus speaks of the hungry, the homeless, the stranger, prisoners, and the sick and promises he will challenge all his followers on the judgment day with these words, "As you have done to the least of these, you have done to me." James Forbes, the pastor of Riverside Church in New York City, concludes from that text that, "Nobody gets to heaven without a letter of reference from the poor!" How many of America's most famous television preachers could produce the letter?

Food for Thought

2008-05-01T06:58:00.000-07:00

On Poverty:
"All those people who think that food stamps are debilitating and lead to a cycle of poverty are the same ones who want to leave a ton of money to their kids."

-Warren Buffet (richest man in the world as of February 2008)

On Politics:

"I have always thought we had outlived the need for the Electoral College, and now that I am going to the Senate, I am going to try to do what I can to make clear that the popular vote, the will of the people, should be followed."

-Hillary Clinton

Is that so?

Popular vote
Obama
14,418,784 49.2%

Clinton
13,917,318 47.5%

On the election:

A Democrat and a Republican walk into a bar to discuss health care and national security.

This shouldn't sound like a joke.
(From dividedwefail.org)

On a lighter note...

2008-04-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

I found this article today about an insurance company, Pemco, based in the northwest and thought it was hilarious. Below is an excerpt:

Even if you don’t live in the Pacific Northwest, you probably have some stereotypes about us lurking in your head. Well, here’s a dirty little secret -- for all our talk of individualism, all of your stereotypes about us are true.

We are a region of smug hybrid owners, recycling fanatics and recumbent bicycle commuters. We love to broadcast our beliefs via bumper stickers. Before we moved here we may have been more fashionable, but now we see nothing wrong with wearing socks with our sandals, preferably paired with those pants that can unzip to become a pair of shorts should the weather improve. If we want to get fancy, we might throw a fleece vest over the whole ensemble.

Our region is home to many long-haired, caffeine-addicted, socially challenged software geeks. Far too many Pacific Northwesterners are still sporting the bad hair and flannel shirts of the elsewhere long-forgotten grunge era. The only thing we love more than using our rain barrels and compost bins is boasting to our friends about them.

The regional insurance company Pemco Insurance knows all this, and it’s created a brilliant ad campaign around it. Using the tagline “We’re a lot like you,” Pemco manages to poke fun at residents of the Pacific Northwest without offending us. (Of course, if you live in the Pacific Northwest, you know most of us would be far too passive-aggressive to say anything even if we were offended).

I went to this website, www.werealotlikeyou.com that showed all the different personalities from the northwest. Each personality profile lists things like where they're spotted, what vehicle they drive, what they eat, etc. It was funny (I literally did laugh out loud) to see how true some of the stereotypes are about people from the northwest, especially while living on the east coast.

A few of my favorites:

Profile #15: Recumbent Bike Commuter (I had a professor who was one of these).
Profile #45: 50 Degrees Shirt's off guy (Sun's out. Shirt's off. It's that simple.)
Profile #56: Sandals and Socks guy
Profile #76: The Super-Long Coffee Orderer

My Latest Recommendation

2008-04-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

This week I read this book: Five Years of My Life: An Innocent Man in Guantanamo, by Murat Kurnaz.

It blew my mind. I experienced a range of emotions as I read: anger, outrage, empathy, confusion, admiration, and a constant sickening in my stomach.

Kurnaz is a Turkish citizen, born and raised in Germany, who was arrested in Pakistan a month after 9/11 and held prisoner for five years. He was born in 1982, as was I.

I think every American should read this book. This is the epitome of why I'm against the use of torture. Besides the fact that this man was innocent (and that American officials knew after six months that he was, yet left him in the camp for five years), the part that got me upset the most was the inhumane, savage way that he, and many like him, were treated, by American soldiers no less.

I couldn't help but wonder about our military. I have many family members and friends who have been, and still are, a part of the military. I absolutely respect them for their dedication to what they feel as a life calling. However, the idea that we systematically brain wash these men and woman to see our enemies as trash, that we train them to treat our enemies as less than human, worse than dogs, causes me to question the entire process.

Fine, some people believe in the use of torture for protection. Regarding this, I must come back to my previous post in which I say, "What would Jesus say about this?" And I don't think ANYONE can tell me that Jesus would say, yes, you can torture for the safety and benefit of others. That goes against everything Jesus represents. Regardless, the torture that happened to this man should cause even those who believe in the use of torture to pause and think.

This innocent man was tortured in every way imaginable. The American soldiers were unbelievably cruel. Were they trained to be like this? How can they consciously deprive other human beings of basic needs? Kurnaz was often subject to solitary confinement which included days and weeks, sometimes months in tiny cells. Sometimes the cell was air conditioned to the point of refrigeration, sometimes it was a cell with no oxygen flow. He experienced water boarding, being hung for weeks by his shoulder blades (the man next to him died this way), sleep deprivation for more than three weeks straight, being assaulted by women soldiers. A common practice was when the prisoners were allowed to shower, they would soap up, and then the Americans would turn the water off and say, "sorry, time's up." If a prisoner went to the "doctor" for an ailment, they often came back without body parts. The disrespect that Americans showed for the Muslim prisoners included blaring the national anthem while they did their daily prayers, throwing the Koran on the ground and stomping on it, forcing men to look at women and be touched by them inappropriately (Muslim men are not to even look at women in the eye, let alone touch them in any way). The list goes on and on.

There's so much more to this book, like the fact that Americans were paying Pakistan officials to bring them suspected terrorists. Did anyone stop to think that maybe they'd be motivated by the monetary compensation and bring innocent men to the Americans? This happened repeatedly, as in this case.

I'll stop here. But I do recommend the book. Here's a summary of the book and more about Kurnaz's experience, if you want more information. It's a quick read, and it's more than enlightening.

I'm pretty worked up about all this, especially knowing that there are innocent men still in Guantanamo at this very moment being treated in this horrific fashion. All in the name of protection for American citizens. My question is, who is protecting these innocent men? And why are American lives worth more than any others? That seems to be racist and elitist on so many levels.

Can an evangelical be a democrat?

2008-04-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across this article today, and found it fascinating after my most recent "sermon." The article is called, "How would Jesus Vote?: I am an Evangelcal--and a Liberal. Really. "

Just read it.

Quote of the day

2008-04-28T05:26:00.001-07:00

"A true patriot does not confuse government with country. A patriot's loyalty is to his country, and loyalty to country requires holding government accountable."

~Paul Craig Roberts

Today's Sermon

2008-04-25T05:58:00.001-07:00

As much as I don't want to be "too political" on my blog, I have become more interested in many issues over the last few years and enjoy dialoguing about them. The name of my blog, "Fade 2 Gray," comes from the idea that not all issues are black and white, and that there are some gray areas to certain issues in which I want to educate myself on and may not have an answer for. (I blogged about some of these issues in one of my very first posts-"Would Christ be a Pacifist?").

All that to say, I've been thinking a lot about the life and journey of my political opinions over the last few years. Having grown up in a pretty conservative Republican home, I began searching during my college years to decide what my own beliefs and thoughts are.

Obviously I don't have the time or space to go into every issue, and at times I find myself struggling to articulate myself in this area, so bear with me. This is just to get the juices flowing and the discussion started.

One of the issues I have wrestled with a lot, and still do, is the idea that many evangelical Christians are tightly associated with the Republican party. Growing up I realized that this seemed to be based on a few specific issues: gay rights and pro-life issues dominate, and gun control issues are sprinkled in there as well.

In college I read an editorial in our school newspaper that got me thinking about how many Christians grow up to be Republican based on these issues alone. As I began to explore my beliefs about Christianity and my own faith during college, it made sense that I would explore my political affiliations simultaneously. I began to study more of the issues that define the two political parties and was surprised at what I found.

As a Christian I have come to believe strongly in the words of Jesus to look out for the poor and needy. Attending an Evangelical Quaker school, dating (and eventually marrying) a Quaker, and studying these issues led me to believe in the importance of social issues concerning the plight of the less fortunate.

As I have studied the personhood of Jesus Christ, I have learned to ask myself the following question as a sort of litmus test on many issues: "What would Jesus do?" And often, "What did Jesus do?" Obviously, this is only speculation, and thus only my opinion and thoughts of what I think Jesus might have done in a given situation, based on his words and actions found in Scripture, but it has become a way for me to make decisions and form opinions on issues that may have at one point been a gray area for me.

(If you have never read In His Steps, by Charles Sheldon, I highly recommend it. Written in 1896, it's the story of a church whose people pledge to live a year asking themselves "What would Jesus do?" This book was life changing for me, and is where this idea of using that question as a litmus test came from. This link is the entire book reprinted online.)

(A few) Thoughts about how Jesus lived:
-Spent time with the outcasts, the poor, the unwanted, the misfits.
-Talked repeatedly about how difficult it is for the rich to get into heaven-encouraged those with money to give it away, to not feel the need to store up treasures on earth.
-Encouraged people to love others through providing basic needs of food, clothing, and shelter.

-In regards to war and violence (another issue that I won't go into too much now, but formed beliefs about using this same litmus test), I have come to believe that Jesus would not advocate for war...Ever...No exceptions. I know that will poke some people the wrong way, but I really, really cannot imagine Jesus EVER approving of fighting as a means of solving issues. I don't have any answers for how to solve diplomatic issues of today as they are complicated and span years of policies, decisions, and pure human error, but that cannot and should not justify killing others...regardless of the enemy. I think Americans do a good job dehumanizing our enemies in order to justify what we do to foreigners (wars in general dehumanize the enemy), but when asking myself the question, "How does Jesus feel about each of these individuals?", I can't bring myself to believe that God loves us more than them, or that he would see killing as an acceptable process to achieve peace.

Back to poverty. These seem to be important issues to Jesus. Priorities, in fact. Economically speaking, Republicans tend to promote helping the wealthy whereas Democrats focus on programs to help people in need. Granted, there is a whole discussion regarding whose responsibility it is to help the poor, the government versus the Church, and I would like to think the Church could handle this completely, but I just don't think it's a priority in enough evangelical churches. But this is somewhat of a separate tangent.

Many ardent Pro-Lifers are Republican simply for that issue. But what about after these babies are born? It seems Republicans are concerned with saving these babies (and bravo for that), but what about those babies that are born destitute, impoverished, or in abusive situations? Why isn't that an important issue to more Christians?

Recently I read some opinions in response to this article about Obama's recent comments in PA regarding the "bitterness" of the economically disadvantaged. It turned into a discussion regarding political party issues, as well as how values form public opinion. The author argues that "economic policy should be more important than social and cultural questions," because Republicans often vote solely on the Pro-Life issue, only to elect a Republican who focuses on economic issues, especially tax cuts, and ignore the issue of "saving the unborn." (I disagree, however that economics should be the only issue that voters consider). I found myself nodding in agreement at places, and I wanted to share a few of the comments to provoke further discussion:

There is an asymmetry between the wealthy Democrat voter and the working class guy who votes for the Republicans because they are thought to represent ‘family values.’

One difference is that when the Democrats promise more progressive policies to end poverty, even if it means reducing the affluence of the wealthy, they are promising something that they can deliver through legislative action.

When Republicans bang the ‘pro-life’ drum, they are promising something that they cannot deliver through legislation. So long as Roe v Wade stands, there are constitutional limits to the extent to which the state may infringe a woman’s right to control her reproduction. Of course, Republicans can try to change this by changing the courts, but such a promise itself implicitly infringes upon the constitutional separation of powers. We may conclude from this that such Republicans are largely disingenuous. As Thomas Frank points out, values voters vote to save the unborn and, once elected, their Republican legislators deliver capital gains tax cuts — not the saving of the unborn. But, of course, they knew that when they campaigned under the pro-life mantle. Conclusion: they manipulated the values voters, because they knew they couldn’t deliver what they promised and knew that they would deliver that which they did not promise. (Show me the Republican who campaigns on a platform of further enriching the rich!)

And another comment:

I have continually wondered why Christians would choose a Republican that protects the interest of big business. Making rich people richer goes against the teachings of Jesus.

While I can understand the abortion issue, in the past when abortion was illegal rich people were able to buy safe abortions. In addition, many Christian have had abortions.

It seems a logical conclusion that people are a victim of partisan deception or they have not studied the issues to understand the ramifications of voting for a Republican. As personality profile research has shown, people think differently. Some think more with feelings and others more with logical facts. It is often difficult for us logical thinkers to understand why not everyone understands our logical facts.

I want to clarify that I don't think any political party is completely right on all issues, and there are a lot of gray areas that are difficult to discern and that don't have black-and-white answers. What I do think is that there needs to be an on-going dialogue, especially among evangelicals, regarding more than just a small handful of issues.

As Christians we need to be well-informed and educated on issues. We need to put the needs of others above ourselves. We need to find ways to clothe, feed, and house the needy. We need to have a holistic approach to our faith, not just focus on a handful of issues and allow those to represent our entire belief system. We need to study the life of Christ and live as he did. We need to not simply accept what one or two dominant personalities proclaim, people who come to personify, erroneously, all evangelical Christians.

Jesus was a radical-he went against the status quo of his day.

And so should we.

Any thoughts to further this discussion?

Our Due Date

2008-04-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

Today is April 21st. Today is the day Michael and I were due to have our first baby, so naturally I've been reflecting on all sorts of things recently.

It's been 7 full months since the miscarriage, and we're doing well. Honestly. I feel healed in so many ways (though I know it will never leave me completely). It's definitely been a process of going through stages. At first we were in shock-heartbroken, confused, and solemn, yet trusting. I think that one truth through this whole process is that Michael and I have been trusting-we have trusted God from the first moment. We can't explain why this happened to us, though we had conversations of a theological nature in which we attempted to search for clues (not necessarily answers). We can't explain the peace we've had that comes from trusting, except to say it's from the Lord. It's not logical by the world's standards, but it doesn't have to be. Actually, I remember thinking repeatedly over the first few days and weeks that I couldn't imagine going through something like this without having the faith to trust that God is sovereign, and though we can't understand it all, we can trust that He does.

I've experienced anxiety in many forms over the last several months. Anxiety about the future (isn't that where most anxiety lies?). At times I find myself afraid of going through the process again. Our family seems immune to a perfectly healthy pregnancy and that is scary to me. Many friends and family came out of the woodworks to share with us their own stories of loss and grief, and frustration in trying to conceive. In many ways this was comforting, to know that we are not alone in this pain. In other ways, though, I find that it also makes me realize all that can go wrong in the future. But again, this brings us back to the Truth that we must trust in the Lord.

We've learned over the last several months:

-To trust in the Lord's timing
-The importance in communication through grief
-That it's ok to share our pain with others because it may touch the heart of someone else
-God loves us and really does want His best for us
-God has definitely put in our hearts the desire to be parents
-Patience (Still learning this one)
-As much as we want to know everything, sometimes there aren't acceptable answers to life's tough questions
-Difficult situations do refine us as people, as a couple, and as Christ-followers
-God hugs us through the love and support of friends and family
-We are blessed with wonderful friends and family
-Our spouse is our best friend and our most important earthly relationship
-Tears are a gift, a natural release on so many levels
-We can't control everything
-It's important not to take blessings in our life for granted. We are given so many gifts, and so often we forget to be grateful.
-Pain and grief do ease with time (and with the Lord's help), no matter how much pain we have endured

I still find myself tearing up at unlikely or unexpected moments. Oftentimes it involves seeing and/or holding a baby. I've always been sensitive and prone to crying often, but I see that as a blessing. It's an outlet for me, though sometimes I wish I wouldn't cry so easily when it makes others feel awkward or uncomfortable.

I have noticed a change in my reaction. It used to be that shortly after our loss, when I'd see a baby or small child, I'd look at the mom and think about what I would be missing out on. It would be a reminder of what I had lost, and what I wouldn't have any time soon. Now however, when I see little ones, I am once again excited about the future. I find myself looking forward again to having that experience myself and often try to imagine what that experience will be like, rather than focusing on where we would be had we not experienced a miscarriage.

All this to say, we're surviving. It's been a tough road, but we have learned a lot about ourselves, about Christ, and about life. We've grown closer together as a couple and are excited about what's around the corner. We're thankful for our amazingly supportive friends and family.

Without a doubt, this experience has increased our excitement and anticipation for the sweet day when we will hold in our arms our own little baby Chapman.

Local Tourists

2008-04-21T05:10:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we headed into Philly for a fun day of tourist activities. Nick and Lindsay were in town, and our friends from Oregon Joel and Cherice came down from Princeton.

We hit all the good places: Liberty Bell (from the outside), Independence Hall, Arch Street Meetinghouse, Art Museum steps (Rocky's famous run up the steps), Reading Terminal Market (Amish Food Market), Ben Franklin's home and printing press, Besty Ross' house, Love Park, oh yeah, and Starbucks. We also grabbed a cheesesteak from a cart on the corner next to Independence Hall.

The weather was amazing, in the 80's, and we had a lot of fun walking around all day in shorts-I even wore sunscreen! I'll post a few pictures soon.

It was a blessing to see some family. Nick and Lindsay left yesterday morning, and a few hours later we went back to the airport to pick up Amy, Tim and Isabelle. Tim had a layover before his connecting flight to Boston, where he will be working until Friday. Michael and I have really looked forward to having family here (and getting to see our niece Isabelle). Fortunately I am not working much this week so I will get to spend lots of time with them, as Michael is in the middle of finals. Tomorrow we are heading to Lancaster to see the Amish.

More PA Politics

2008-04-18T04:59:00.001-07:00

It's going to be 83 degrees today. I am so excited for the warmth and sunshine of spring/summer.

Today Hilary Clinton will be at Radnor High School, where I was substituting until two months ago, discussing the war in Iraq.

Tomorrow Barack Obama will be on a train passing right through our town. I kind of want to go to one of the rallies at one of his stops.

Being in Pennsylvania during this historic time has been very interesting. The local papers are filled with interviews, updates, and endless articles about both democratic presidential candidates. The debate on Wednesday night, at the Constitutional center, has so many talking about the upcoming vote on April 22.

I hope and pray that Tuesday will answer some questions for us all. As interested as I am in all this, I feel like it's starting to drag on, which I think may be helping John McCain.

Those Highly Paid Teachers...

2008-04-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

This is posted in a few classrooms where I substitute:

An editorial from a newspaper:

"I, for one, am sick and tired of those highly paid teachers. Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes and they only work nine months a year. It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do-babysitting! We can get that for less than minimum wage. That's right, I would give them $3 an hour and only the hours they worked, not any of that ridiculous "planning time." That would be $21 a day (8 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. with 30 minutes off for lunch). Each parent should pay $21 a day for these teachers to babysit their children.

Now, how many do they teach in a day...maybe 30? so that's 21 x 30 = $630 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year. I'm not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see, that's 630 x 180 = $113,400.

Hold on! My calculator must need batteries. Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!" (Mark Konetski).

I had a conversation recently with a teacher who is taking graduate courses. In one of her classes she read about a study that showed that teachers only spend 10-20% of their time focused on actual valuable educational activities, planning for and actually teaching students. The rest of the time is made up of paperwork, grades, meetings, paperwork, dealing with parents, catching up students who were absent, and more paperwork. It's a frustrating system, but someone has to do it...

One Reason I Don't Like Being A Substitue...

2008-04-10T07:06:00.000-07:00

About a month ago I substituted for an English teacher and had a horrible experience with one of her classes. It was my worst subbing experience thusfar. I've never even come close to having a class that awful. I had to leave her a very long note about many individual students and the class overall. I had students that were giving fake names, blatantly refusing to cooperate, and had to send one student down the hall. It was a learning experience, and after that day I have spoken with their regular teacher as well as many others about what I could do differently next time and what discipline options I do have as a substitute. I had come to believe through my student teaching experience that sending students to the office is a last resort, but I'm learning that as a substitue, and maybe even specifically at this school, it is encouraged to send students out when they are disruptive, since I have no other leverage.

Yesterday I had the same class again.

And though I didn't think it was possible, it was even worse than the first time.

As soon as I received my assignment and learned I'd be subbing for this teacher again, I had to mentally prepare myself. I knew I needed to be strict and firm from the beginning of class. I was nervous, and was even shaking a bit at the beginning of class. (If that surprises you, it just goes to show how much this class had gotten to me the first time).

I began class with clear, specific instructions to be on task. This didn't happen, and as I walked around the room, students were just sitting in groups chatting. About half the class was working diligently, but the other half were loud and obnoxious. Eventually I asked a group of students to move back to their original desks, and they refused. Soon after, another group of students began to throw pencil shavings and paper dots from the hole punch at each other. Kids starting yelling "Fight! Fight! Fight!" I immediately delegated new desks for the students to sit at, and as expected, one student involved in the shavings-dot fight refused. I told him that I would send him to the office if he refused, and he said, "I don't care if I go to the F****** office." "Fine," I said, and I called security to have them escort this fine young man to the office. In the mean time, my investigation into the fight led me to conclude that another student was equally involved, and when security arrived he was sent to the office as well.

This calmed the rest of the class down for 5 or 10...seconds. I regrouped the class and proceeded to lead a class discussion about the article they were supposed to have been reading and answering questions about. As I did this, one student literally stood up and began walking around the room, talking to her friends. Another student continued to poke the boy in front of her with her pencil, which caused him to over-dramatically start screaming and asking to see the nurse. Pure chaos, yes. So, I told the girl to move seats (this being a girl who earlier had blatantly ignored my request to move and at least pull out a piece of paper and look like she was working). She looked up at me, and said, "I'm not moving anywhere." I just stared at her. Really, I was speechless. This whole class just moved me to a mixture of anger, frustration, and speechlessness, and left a knot in my stomach that lasted until I left work at 2:30. Even as I write this my stomach is slightly turning.

I walked over to the teacher's desk to look for a Referral, and couldn't find one. With only a few minutes left of class, I told her to stay after class.

I informed her that because I couldn't find a Referral, I would be leaving a note to the teacher regarding her blatant disregard for my instructions. A student absolutely CANNOT refuse to follow instructions that explicitly and not have any consequence. In retrospect, I think I should have actually sent her to the office as well, because in truth, her teacher may not do anything about it.

This morning I had mixed feelings: What if I get to school this morning and I am assigned to this teacher again? Should I request to not substitute for this teacher again? Would that be showing some kind of weakness as a substitue? What would I do if I have them again? Then I started thinking, Maybe I do want them again...and I can lay down the law even more. I think I'd require no talking, only working, and I'd send out uncooperative students. A new meaning for Zero Tolerance. Either way, I arrived to find a new assignment and a sense of relief.

But I think I'm ready to face this group one more time this year. Maybe I'll get that chance. And if not, at least I can say with confidence that even if the students didn't learn anything yesterday, I did.

Politics in Pennsylvania

2008-04-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

As the Pennsylvania Primary on April 22nd approaches, the PA media is full of updates about the race, the candidates, the issues, and the voters' opinions.

I read this article published in The New York Times on Friday, April 4, and at times I was almost at a loss for words by the comments. The article was about a small town in western Pennsylvania, Latrobe, home of Arnold Palmer, Mr. Rogers, and the banana split, where PA Senator Bob Casey announced his endorsement for Obama. The article, "In Ex-Steel City, Voters Deny Race Plays a Role," was about just that. This small, former steel town is 99% white, and many are not voting for Obama.

According to the article, "When dismissing Mr. Obama, voters in this former steel center, whatever their racial feelings, seem almost compelled to list their reasons, if only to preempt the unspoken race question." The townspeople feel the need to clarify the point that it's not because of race that they dislike Obama. They do so much clarifying, in fact, that one begins to wonder if race is in fact an issue. Here are some of the excuses...er...reasons that people in this town won't be voting for Barack Obama:

-"How can I vote for a president who won't wear a flag pin?"

-Except for his politics, he seems like a good thing for the country.

-"I don't say this because he's black, but the guy just seems arrogant to me, the way he expeccts things to go his way." Couldn't that just be confidence?

-Because he speaks very well, but has not talked about reviving the coal industry.

-Because he voted "present" too often as an Illinois state senator.

-Because he would not command respect of the military. Says who?

-Because there is something unsettling about his perfect calm. Ok, now they're digging for excuses.

-"I don't see Obama as a 'color,' but I do think he needs to get away from mimicking Dr. Martin Luther King. I'm not degrading Dr. King. I liked what he stood for, and it's a shame what happened to him. But Obabma needs to be his own person."

-"When I worked in the steel mill, there were always a few guys who were black. But you wouldn't even know they were black, we got along so well." Is that supposed to be a compliment, that they were more "well-behaved" than most blacks? Really?

-"It's not about race. It's about a feeling I have."

April Showers Bring:

2008-04-03T09:34:00.000-07:00

I'm excited that it's April. A lot will be going on this month, and I know it will fly by quickly.

-When April is over I will have only a month and a half of teaching left for the school year. So, I have started looking for a summer job, and I think I'm going to nanny. I put an ad on craigslist and am meeting with a family tonight. I'm hoping to find just the right family and kids.

-A few months ago we were saying that by the end of April or May we'd like to know where we are headed in the Fall. Unless things move very quickly it looks like April may be out. But that's ok. Patience is a virtue, right?

-Michael's siblings are both coming to visit this month, but unfortunately missing each other by about 8 hours. Nick and Lindsay are coming in a couple weeks to visit NY where Lindsay will be going to graduate school in the Fall. They leave that Sunday and then Amy and Isabelle fly in that afternoon. Tim will be in Boston for work and is going to come down when he's done. Michael and I are both SUPER excited to see family (we haven't seen anyone since Christmas), and of course, we can't wait to see our niece who we've only seen when she was a week old. I can't wait to hold a baby!! (See next bullet point). And, we may get to see our other very close friends who will be in Virginia for a conference, and are going to try to drive up and visit. We are so excited for all these visitors!

-April 21st: The day I was due (by my calculations-we never actually went to the doctor while I was pregnant). I feel very aware of all my friends who found out they were pregnant at the same time as us, and are almost due or already had their baby. It's weird for me to think that I would be 8 1/2 months pregnant right now. I'm really thankful for the timing of Amy and Isabelle's visit, because I will get to hold a baby on the day I was supposed to be holding my own.

Blessings in the mail

2008-03-30T16:34:00.000-07:00

This week I got a card in the mail from a very dear friend of mine. I have been blessed with a few (as Anne of Green Gables would say) "kindred spirits" in my life, and this is one of those friends. We may not talk every day, or even very often, but we have a connection and openness that revives instantly the moment we reconnect. I am thankful for my experience of being on summer staff at Twin Rocks, because when I think about people I value in my life, I'm amazed at how many precious friendships have come from that place, including this one.

It's been fun over the last few years to get updates from old summer staff members. New jobs, relationships, and a lot of weddings continue to happen (and after the weddings come the baby announcements). This year alone I can think of at least five weddings, and I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting.

But back to the card. In it were words of truth that brought tears to my eyes. As we both are struggling to have patience and wait upon the Lord for his timing, we have found encouragement from one another. As I read her words, I felt they echoed my own thoughts. So thank you, Dear Friend, for your words of encouragement and truth:

Our Lord is truly MIGHTY TO SAVE. If he can move mountains, he can surely bless us and grant us the desires of our heart. Whenever I begin to doubt...I reassure myself that God is all I need. I wanted to get married, and God blessed me with a wonderful husband. Anything else that happens now, I tell myself, is purely extra. I don't NEED a child. I would love to have one more than anything, but when it comes down to it God is really all I need...God can do so much for us in the "waiting."

And so I wait.

This week as a Substitute

2008-03-27T06:05:00.000-07:00

I enjoyed my Spring Break last week, though much of it was spent getting over a nasty cold (I thought I should specify what kind of sick I was feeling, since certain family members were wondering if my sickness referred to flu-like symptoms), and working at the restaurant. Regardless, it was nice to have a break and time to slow down and see my husband.

The week before Spring Break I substituted most of the week in the Parenting/Childhood Development classroom. During the Parenting class we watched movies such as "Cheaper by the Dozen," "Parent Trap," and "Yours, Mine and Ours," as students studied family units. The Childhood development class is actually a preschool, where the high school students plan and teach lessons they've created. It was fun to get to spend the week with three and four years olds-they are undeniably adorable!

This week I am lucky enough to be substituting again for the same teacher. This week the Parenting class is studying (what else?) pregnancy. Today we watched a video, "Eating for two," all about how to handle nutrition and health during pregnancy, and tomorrow we will be watching a very scientific video showing the process of conception and fertilization (from the inside, of course!). And, I get to continue to enjoy working with the preschoolers. These kids are at such a fun age, where they are learning how to interact with peers, and always say the darndest things. All that to say that I'm enjoying substituting this week, though working with little ones is exhausting as well.

2008-03-17T09:34:00.000-07:00

I've been at home sick for the past week. I called into work sick on Wednesday, pushed through Thursday, and stayed home all day Friday and Saturday. I tried working Sunday and came home after an hour. I'm feeling better today, and fortunately it's my Spring Break this week, so I have more time to rest. (I'm still working at the restaurant, but at least I can sleep in).

I think my body has been trying to tell me something: I'm working too much. Or rather, I need to rest more. I think I'm going to cut down to three closing shifts a week at the restaurant, at least for a little while. I get sick like this whenever I push myself too hard. Last spring this happened and I lost my voice for a couple days, in the midst of graduate school and student teaching. It's amazing that our bodies are made to let us know when we need to rest.

Springtime Thoughts

2008-03-05T12:53:00.000-08:00

Psalm 71:5-7

O lord, you alone are my hope.
I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.

Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother's womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!

My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and my protection.

These verses have been on my mind and heart over the last few weeks. I was doing a Bible study activity, studying about how God is, among many names, my Hope. The reference was for the first verse, but as I read on I was amazed at how much the words spoke to where I am at.

I haven't written about what's on my mind as much as I could. For one, I go days without checking my email or using the computer. (I started this blog two days ago and am just now able to continue). Two, I wonder at times whether what I am thinking is worth writing about for others to read.

But, for what it's worth, I'll share a little bit:

Lately my biggest struggle is not being able to go very long without thinking about my hopes and desires for a baby. I thought I was handling it fine, and mostly I am, but some days it's hard. It's hard because we are waiting to know what our future looks like, and I am struggling between being practical and giving into my need to ease my immediate hopes and longings. Does that make me selfish also? Unhappiness with both of my jobs probably adds to my current anxiety. Being that it is spring time, this all comes to my mind more often. I would be due in a month. My friends from college just had their baby, and they were due a month before we were. I had kept track of how many friends and family were pregnant when we were, and now many of them have already had their baby.

It's springtime, and I am looking forward to warmer days, and sunshine, and getting little steps closer to knowing our future: where? when? how long? what will we be doing? And, when will the wait be over?

New days

2008-02-20T11:36:00.000-08:00

I've been at my new job the last two days. Yesterday was crazy because I was in the Academic Support room, sometimes called the "emotional support" room, where kids who are either on IEPs (Individual Educational Plans such as getting extra test time, or hard copies of all notes), or are struggling with class and/or failing. These kids had attitude. I worked in there with two other aides, so I sort of took the backseat and let them run the room like usual. This plan has worked in the other two schools where I would sub in the special ed rooms. Unfortunately, I realized too late, this class was a bit different, and walked all over the aides. At one point a student who wandered in the room to "take a ten minute nap" while on his lunch break, and instead proceeded to check his facebook, blew up at an aide, used foul language, and slammed the door on the way out. Needless to say I had to follow him out into the hall and have a little talking to with him. That is NOT ok to do, ever.

Today was much better. I subbed for a social studies teacher, and got to sit in on the first hour of a class where actual teaching and discussion was happening. It was refreshing to remember what that was like, and it made me miss not having my own students and classes to teach. But I did enjoy myself today. Knowing that I'm a permanent fixture (at least for the rest of the year) means I felt more like I was settling in to a new home, and the teachers were very friendly and chatty and welcoming in the teacher workrooms.

All in all, I'm looking forward to the next few months and feeling more like I belong rather than an outsider that's temporary.

Continuing Thoughs

2008-02-13T11:54:00.002-08:00

I wanted to add to my last post. Krista, thanks so much for the perspective on numbers. I actually wasn't sure the exact numbers, so I did a little research.

The total number of legal abortions in the United States since 1973 (Roe v. Wade) is estimated at anywhere from 35-46 million. That is a lot. A very significant number not to be ignored. More than I may have guessed if put on the spot. Another study said that from 1920-2000 it is estimated that there have been anywhere from 527-836 million abortions worldwide. WOW! It's sickening, isn't it? This includes all countries and forms of practices throughout the world.

To find the number of casualties, deaths, or lives lost in war, any war, or all wars is a big project. I found a few websites that list the number of estimated deaths in the 20th century. This includes civilians, military, and other deaths (like famine) caused by war. Again, having studied history I do not think it is black and white whether every war can be avoided, but considering the numbers I would like to hope we could exhaust all other options first. Especially when John McCain tells us we may be in Iraq for another 100 YEARS!

The following information was taken from this website:

(Matthew White, Historical Atlas of the Twentieth Century, 2001):

* Deaths by War and Oppression:
o Genocide and Tyranny:
+ 83,000,000
o Military Deaths in War:
+ 42,000,000
o Civilian Deaths in War:
+ 19,000,000
o Man-made Famine:
+ 44,000,000
o TOTAL:
+ 188,000,000

I want to reemphasize that the number of legal abortions is extremely significant (though if it wasn't legal the number of illegal would increase), and that I'm not discounting that. Back to my original point, we could look at the number of deaths based on poverty, racism, lack of medical care, and war, and realize there are a lot of issues that our politicians need to address. All of this can be touchy without any answers in black and white (hence the name of my blog!), but I believe it's healthy to discuss and keep our minds, hearts, and spirits challenging the status quo, especially as Christians.

Thoughts on Politics

2008-02-13T07:48:00.001-08:00

I have been watching this presidential nomination process very closely. I find myself nervous at times, and dare I say emotional as I listen to speeches that speak to me and allow me to dream about future possibilities. I go online as soon as the polls are expected to close to see what the results are, I watch CNN and MSNBC while I work out at the gym, I read the newspaper and online news constantly.

Last night I was reading Gregg's Gabmles post on Presidential Politics. I loved his post, and have felt the same as I've heard both Michelle and Barack Obama speak. I too, find myself saying YES! to my computer screen as I watch speeches. And truthfully, I tried to keep an open mind about Hillary. I didn't read her book, as I did Obama's, but I tried to read about her policies and be open to what she may have to say. But try as I might, lately she has repulsed me. I've read and seen videos showing how manipulative and power-hungry she is, heard testimonies of some of her closest advisers, and I just cringe.

I read the comments following Gregg's post, and had mixed feelings. One person compared the Obama fever with the 1960s and the way Americans flocked to JFK after an old timer like Eisenhower. I see similarities in this, as I studied a lot of American history to receive my history degree, but I think there is a difference here. JFK had political connections we can't even imagine because of his name, there was a long history of corruption (he received winning votes from people who weren't alive, for example), and in some ways was in the right place at the right time. True, in many ways he proved ill-equipped to handle the nation's problems. Obama, on the other hand, is competing heavily with another politician who has "experience," and thus if Obama wins it's not because no viable candidate ran against him. Many argue that Obama is all talk and no show, but listening, truly listening to his words, one can come to realize that this is no ordinary politician. Sure, he's forced to play the game, (he acknowledges in his book that unfortunately this is how our country runs its politics), but he has hope that this can change. More importantly, he is aware of the need for it to change.

This same commenter also said, "his stand on the value of human life scares me," to which another commenter responded well, saying "we have plenty of already LIVING human beings dying." To which I say, "That friend speaks my mind!"

This gets into one of the first issues I ever blogged about, why I started this blog in the first place. Why are so many Christians so focused on one or two issues (abortion and homosexuality) that they are willing to overlook so many other issues?? How can Republicans (and many Christians) be so Pro-Life yet be Pro-military and Pro-kill-all-enemies-of-America-because-God's-on-our-side? How many more millions of people have died in war than from abortion? Believe me, I am against abortion, but why do so many support life before birth, to virtually ignore issues of poverty and injustice once these babies are born?

I may not fully support Obama's Pro-Choice stance on abortion, but to me, his stance on poverty, education, ending the war, and many other issues seems much more "Pro-Life" than any other candidate running for the Presidential nomination in any party.

Thanks Gregg, for the thoughts!

Snowy Afternoon

2008-02-12T08:58:00.000-08:00

It's snowing right now. I'm home at 11:30 because the school district called for an early release due to icy roads expected this afternoon. I have the whole afternoon and evening off!

The school I interviewed with yesterday called me yesterday and offered me the building sub position for the high school. I told them I'd let them know today, but as I thought about it last night I realized I have no reason not to take it, except not having too much flexibility during the week, but that's real life, right? I could think of many more reasons why I should: better pay, guaranteed job every day through the end of the school year, never having to deal with sub callers or waking up at 5 am to check for new jobs online, it will look good on a resume to be a building substitute versus a per diem sub, limited benefits (though I'm not sure what, some sick days/personal days).

So, I think I am going to call today and accept the job. I always feel bad letting other people down (the other two schools I work at), but I have to do what's best for me in this case.

Catching up

2008-02-11T08:08:00.001-08:00

During the week I don't have much time to blog, so my mind begins to accumulate things I want to mention. Here's a few of them.

1. I joined a women's Bible study at our new church, and it starts tonight. We're reading "The Power of a Praying Woman" and I'm really excited. One of Michael's professors joined it also, so I'm looking forward to getting to know her better as well.

2. A group of friends from Michael's program started an indoor coed soccer team. Our first game was last Thursday, and I'm still sore. It's going to be a lot of fun, though I was a little intimidated at first because every person on the team but me played collegiate soccer (well, the goalie didn't either).

3. Today I interviewed for a building substitute position in a district I've subbed in only three times. If I get it, it means I would have a guaranteed job every single day for the rest of the school year. I'm not quite sure if I want that though. Plus, I really enjoy the other two districts that I sub in most of the time.

4. I've never practiced Lent, although one year Michael and I tried to give up ice cream, and that lasted about two days. This year I was thinking about it while at work, and decided I'd give up "complaining at work." So far I've done really well, and I feel like my overall attitude (and tips?!) have improved.

5. I meant to blog about this a long time ago. Last fall after our miscarriage Michael and I were trying to come up with something to help us in our grieving and healing process. We never picked a name (some people do despite not knowing a gender), so finally we decided to buy a teddy bear to have something tangible and significant to us. We went to Build-A-Bear and found the cutest bear with little patches on it. We went through the process of stuffing the bear, putting the heart inside the bear, and naming the bear. The tag it came with called the bear Champ, saying it is a "brave fighter," and the patches represent overcome struggles. The patches are a symbol of a young girl who passed away from cancer at 15, and the idea behind the bear is to let kids know it's ok to need help and share your feelings/struggles. For some reason we just loved the bear. We ended up getting the bear on the same day that our niece, Isabelle, was born, which was also special for us.

6. Over the last two weekends we've been able to visit with friends from Oregon who now live in New Jersey. Two weekends ago we gave our friends a tour of downtown Philadelphia, Liberty Bell and all. Last Saturday we drove up to Princeton where our other friends just moved back to, and got to spend the day visiting with them and touring Princeton. It's fun to have a little bit of Oregon on the east coast.

Love Park

Princeton University

Super Tuesday

2008-02-05T06:30:00.000-08:00

Holding my breath on Super Tuesday. I'm actually nervous and anxious.

I hope all you Idaho and Colorado folks (and many others) are voting today!

It's definitely time for a change.

Pennsylvania Random Facts 101

2008-02-01T21:16:00.000-08:00

I learned a few fun facts about Pennsylvania this week:

-No matter where you are in the state, you are never more than 25 miles from a state park.

-PA is 33rd in size (area) but 5th by population.

-Native residents of PA are more likely to stay here, in their home state, than any other state in the nation.

-1/3 of PA residents live in rural areas, the largest non-urban population in the nation.

-PA drivers have the 3rd lowest auto mileage in the nation, probably due to the fact that most live less than 25 minutes from work.

-There are more bridges in the state (57,000) than any area on earth its size.

-William Penn owned it all (no commoner in history before or since has personally owned so much land).

-PA's road systems are equal to all of New England and New Jersey highways, local roads, and city streets combined.

-PA German carpenters in the 1730s built Conestoga wagons with a "lazy board" at the front left for the driver to stand on. All U.S. vehicles have had the driver on the left ever since.

-PA is one of only three states with more than one major orchestra and art museum and more than one team in major league baseball, football, and hockey.

Age is how you feel, right?

2008-02-01T21:04:00.000-08:00

The other night I was hanging out with two other wives while Michael and the two husbands did homework. Somehow we started talking about age. I know that Heidi graduated a year after me, and Emily graduated a year before me. At some point I made a comment about being 24, and Heidi told me I am actually 25, which of course I had to disagree with. And Em said she was 24 also, about to turn 25. Then we realized that doesn't make sense, and we kept talking back and forth, trying to figure out our ages. I actually had to pull out a piece of paper and do the math:

2007
-1982
-------
25

Em and I were both born in 1982, so we realized that we had to be 25, and that she will turn 26 soon (in 2008). I wasn't convinced until I remembered Michael had his golden birthday last year (24 on the 24th), and I realized if he is going to be 25 soon then I just turned 25.

Someone just asked me at work how old I am and I told them I just turned 24.

I guess this means I'm getting old, when I have no idea how old I am anymore.

Driving home from work...

2008-01-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

Today's outrageous NPR comment:

A woman called in to the show and said she really likes Barack Obama. In fact, he's her number one choice. But she's not sure if she's going to vote for him because she's afraid that if he is elected he will be assassinated. Apparently, there is momentum behind this idea; there are people who want Obama to be President but are afraid they would be to blame for his assassination if they vote him into the White House.

Wow.

This is almost as crazy as the woman who came into the restaurant I serve in last Fall and told me that if Clinton is elected President, Obama will be VP (which I don't think would happen), and then he will plot her assassination so he can become President and force all Americans to become Muslim.

Double Wow.

Only because you asked...

2008-01-30T12:04:00.001-08:00

My sister-in-law, Amy, tagged me, and since I never usually respond to these I thought I would for once. I came up with this list today while I was substituting.

6 Non-Important things/habits/quirks about myself:

1. I love history, especially American history, and love teaching it in a way students want to learn it, and can realize how much it really does affect them. (Most people think of history as boring, date memorization and/or irrelevant to today.) The corollary to this is that I'm a nerd.

2. One of the things I'd like to do before I die is write a best-selling novel. I've had this idea for as long as I can remember. Maybe a semi-autobiographical novel-type. Or a historical novel. I go back and forth between the two.

3. I aspire to be a morning person. Morning People seem so...motivated. Unfortunately, I am a night owl who enjoys sleeping in. On the plus side, I married a night owl who enjoys sleeping in with me.

4. I'm a sucker for romantic comedies, and movies, books, and TV shows that make me cry. I weep like a baby when I watch "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and "The Notebook" and "Armageddon," to name a few. A lot of books make me ball my eyes out as well.

5. I believe a good cry is good for the soul. Every once in a while I have to have a good cry. I never really know when it's coming, and then it just sweeps in like a tornado with no warning. (This Good Cry is not to be confused with The PMS Cry, which is totally different and comes like clockwork.) Luckily, Michael has known this about me for a long time, and knows exactly what to do when the tears come: just hug me and let me cry it out. He usually says something like, "you haven't had a good cry in a while, have you?" as I try to explain why I'm crying, though I'm unsure myself.

6. Certain issues get me fired up (see previous post), including, but not limited to the following: the inadequacies of our government to meet the needs of many people, especially in areas of education, poverty, and lack of medical care. And lately, I've been really bothered by the pretense that our country is diverse and "equal," when there is no doubt of the inequalities in our country, specifically in the area of racial segregation. We are doing a disservice to our young people to teach them that our country offers equal opportunities for minorities and the poor, that desegregation is a thing of the past, when it is a pure fact that segregation is not a thing of the past. The percentage of segregated schools in our nation rivals (is within a few percentage points of) the number at the time of Brown v. Board of Education in the mid-1950s and the height of the civil rights movement. We are not making much progress, and we should not let students grow up thinking we are. There is no such thing as equal access to education in this country. Not when I live two blocks from a brand new, multi-million dollar middle school building, and schools within an hour from here have outdated textbooks, underpaid and inexperienced teachers, buildings with little or no heat or air conditioning, and the list could go on and on. Not to mention that many of these poorer schools are 100% non-white, and many of the best schools are almost 100% white.

Ok, I went on a little tangent on the last one, but there you have it.

So now I have to tag 3 others:

Michael
Luke
Bev

What decade, or century, or millenium is this anyway?

2008-01-30T11:48:00.001-08:00

As I was driving home from work a few minutes ago, I was listening to NPR, as I always do. The topic of conversation was the Presidential election, and callers were giving their opinions about the candidates.

I am shaking with anger. I know that this country is full of ignorant people, but I like to have more hope in people.

A listener from Georgia (or somewhere else in the South, maybe Florida?) called in and said he is a Democrat who is voting for Hilary Clinton. He went on to say that if Clinton doesn't become the Democratic candidate he will vote for McCain for a few reasons, saying Obama seems to be all talk and no substance. Fine. His second reason (and according to him the opinion of all his friends) is race. He said that despite what anyone can say, race will be a determining factor for the next President-elect. The NPR host clarified by saying to the caller, "So, you are saying that our country is not ready for an African-American President?" And the caller, being directly questioned, admitted, "yes."

My hands literally started shaking. I was so upset, that people really think that a man like Barack Obama can't become President simply because of his the color of his skin, and that this man from somewhere down South was willing to admit on national radio that he won't vote for a man because of his race.

(I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. See #6 on my next post.)

Yet another reason I want to teach social studies. Too many people in our country are so ignorant it is almost inconceivable.

Other Blog

2008-01-15T16:59:00.000-08:00

Michael and I have been slowly keeping two lists of observations from living here in Pennsylvania:

-Perceptions of Oregon
-Differences between Pennsylvania and Oregon

I posted this list on our other blog. Check it out.

Thoughts in Church

2008-01-13T09:44:00.000-08:00

I wrote on my last blog that I was worried about people asking me "are you trying again yet?" Four (maybe more?) people have asked me that in the last few days. And a few others have asked me when we plan to have kids.

At church we usually sit in the back, which is where parents with young infants also tend to sit. So, each week at church Michael and I usually find ourselves watching little babies all service. OK, maybe it's more me than him, but I always point the babies out to Michael because they are always so adorable. Even as I sit here at the coffee shop there is a smiley, pudgy little baby sitting across from me. I see babies everywhere I go! Or, maybe my baby-radar is more acute?

I think I've mentioned this before, but I can't remember a single time I've been to church in the last few months and not cried, or teared up at least. I can't quite explain it, but I've realized I'm not communicating with God as much lately as I could/should be.

In some ways I think I'm afraid to be honest about being disappointed with God. This is a big deal. The devotional book I was reading after the miscarriage talked about this and challenged me in this area. It asked me to confront my true emotions regarding God's role (which is what?) in this, and asked me if I was upset with God. The point in the book was that it's OK to be upset with God, as that's an emotion of grief, as long as I begin to work through it. Is it OK to be upset with God? What does that really mean? In another section she actually presents the idea that we may feel the need to forgive God. Not that this means God did something that needs forgiving, but maybe in our hearts we have an emotion that needs to go through the process of releasing and "forgiving." Again, I'm not sure how I feel about this, but I'm curious if anyone has an opinion or insight about this.

Back to church. When I'm at church my heart finds this place where it's raw and sensitive and honest, and without even realizing it I find myself just aching a little. And wanting to understand God's timing in a way that I can't right now. And wondering about the future. And exchanging smiles with the baby in the seat in front of me.

Restless

2008-01-05T11:56:00.000-08:00

I've had random things on my mind over the last few days:

-Our Christmas/New Year Letter is finished! And more importantly, has been printed and mailed out. This is a big accomplishment since last year's letter was written but never sent.

-Money. Gotta' have it, especially when cost of living is so much higher here than back in Oregon. Gotta' work to get it, which is best when you like your job(s) (more on that in a moment). Today we received an unexpected last paycheck from Michael's job that he quit last spring at the high school in Salem. God continues to provide for us in times of need.

-Work. I'm reading a book about teaching right now, and it makes me miss real teaching. Not that student teaching is exactly "real teaching," but it's the closest I've gotten to teaching so far. But I do wish for my own classroom, to really have a chance to make an impact and do something meaningful. Substituting is hardly meaningful or rewarding, except for the very few students that I'm starting to have repeatedly, and know by name.

-Working out. I joined a gym and have dedicated myself to staying in shape. Plus, I figure Michael will be busy with schoolwork, so it will give me something to do. We still don't have a TV, so I get my TV fix while I work out. Working out has the added benefit of causing me to eat better and take better care of myself.

-Second semester. Michael starts school again on the 14th, which means another busy semester is about to begin. We are trying to enjoy as much time as we can together (between both our current work schedules) before the craziness of school begins again.

-Summer/Fall. I'm anxious about the future, as always. We're both excited to figure out where we will be heading this Fall. Because it's a new calendar year I seem to be reflecting more on what this year will bring. We're not sure when we will head to Oregon again, and we know Michael has school for the entire year.

-And the topic on my mind the most: Will this be the year we have a baby/get pregnant again? We hope so. But, we feel that we must wait until we have a better idea of our overseas plans before we can plan for that. So for now, we are waiting. The advantage of not telling anyone we were trying the first time meant no one had a clue and therefore no one could ever ask us, "so, are you pregnant yet?" I am afraid that people are starting to wonder, "are they going to start trying again?" It's been more than three months since the miscarriage. Overall, I'm doing well, but I have days when I find myself teary-eyed for no explained reason, except really, I know why. In some ways that's frustrating, to realize that I may find myself sad at unexpected moments for the rest of my life. On the other hand, I am glad to know that something that has felt so much a part of who I am now will remain.

Servers are Complainers are Servers

2007-12-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

I'm working on not complaining as much.

As a server (Yes we use this word not waiter or waitress), it seems inevitable that at some point every server will become a full-fledged complainer. Nothing will satisfy an experienced server.

Things servers complain about:

-Not enough tables
-Too many tables
-Not enough money
-Bad table sections
-Food comes out too slow
-Food comes out too fast
-Too many tables with not enough people
-Bad tips
-"Campers" (people who "camp out" for an extended period of time)
-Tables of two (never usually a money maker)
-Tables with kids
-Kids who order chocolate milk (we have to stir it up and make it ourselves)
-Parents who let their kids order, thinking it gives them some sense of responsibility, but really they just get shy and take ten minutes to order
-Not enough tables
-Sunday afternoon customers (are the stingiest tippers...because all the money went to tithing???)
-Not enough money
-Getting a whole bunch of tables at the same time
-Other servers are lazy
-Big parties who all order only water (Double complaints for lemons in the water!)
-Staying on the clock at not having enough tables

-Don't want to be at work, but don't make enough money....hmmmmm....

The list could go on and on. Basically, servers are never happy. I include myself in this list, though I am working hard to not complain. Complaining among servers festers and builds upon each other, and is not helpful. So I write this mostly to try to commit to making an effort to being positive.

Time to head back to work.

Christmas Vacation

2007-12-29T11:28:00.000-08:00

We're home! Or did we just get back from "going home for Christmas?" I'm not sure where or what to call home, but either way, we're back in Pennsylvania.

And back to work. Our flight home from Portland took us to Seattle (with a four hour layover), and then to San Francisco, and with a delayed flight of over four hours, we finally slipped into bed around 5 am, almost 24 hours after we left Oregon. We slept in until 3:00 and I had to be at work at 4.

It was really good to be in Oregon. Michael and I had forgotten how much it rains in Oregon! We were blessed to see so many of our friends and family, many of whom we weren't sure if we would get to see.

One of the highlights of our trip was spending a day in Newberg, Michael's hometown and our college town, as well as where we got married. We spent a good amount of time at Chapters, our FAVORITE coffee shop, and actually ordered drinks twice while we were there, just to savor the coffee we so dearly miss. (Sidenote: We really miss good northwest espresso-especially Stumptown at Chapters.) Besides having amazing coffee, Chapters is the place to be in Newberg to just "run into" people. We ended up seeing many friends that were just stopping by for their own cup of joe. We also went over to Newberg Friends Church and got to visit with some of the pastoral staff (we worked as interns there during our senior year of college).

We were able to connect with some of our friends from Twin Rocks and Salem as well.

And of course, it was great to see both of our families, including a niece and two nephews.

It was good to be home for Christmas, especially because we aren't really sure where we will be next Christmas, and when we will get to visit out there again.

Michael doesn't start school again until January 14th, so he'll be working some and enjoying his break, while I will begin subbing again next week. And, trying to get our Christmas (New Year?) letter written! (We didn't get one out last year, so we'll see what happens).

Wintertime in Wayne

2007-12-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, mostly because Michael has needed the computer non-stop for the last few weeks to finish a crazy amount of papers and projects for school. And I've been really busy teaching all day and working at the restaurant a lot.

Some highlights over the last few weeks:

-I haven't been enjoying substituting too much. (I sub every single day). It's much better than working in the restaurant, but being a sub is nothing like being a teacher and having my own room. As I've said before, subbing is more like "glorified babysitting," and I feel like I have to be stern and don't get to enjoy the students like I did last year student teaching. I find myself missing my students from last year. Only a few times have I actually had the chance to "teach," and lead class discussions, and those have been really good days.

-We went to Colorado for Thanksgiving and saw our brand new niece. It was really fun to be around family after being in PA for a few months, away from family and friends. Being around a brand new baby was therapy for me, though I had mixed emotions all weekend. I am so, so thankful that my bro/sister-in-law finally have a healthy, sweet, adorable baby girl. So thankful, in fact, I was moved to tears throughout the weekend. I think I also found myself in tears at times knowing my turn is yet to come. But I think it helped me be more at terms with our own timing. So thanks, Tim and Amy, for letting us be there to experience those first few days with you.

-The high school I sub at was recently ranked 79th in the nation by World News Report. Over the last few weeks seniors are applying to colleges and hearing back if they got into their school(s) of choice, among them Ivy League schools and very elite schools. I have a hard time relating, since I don't remember being too nervous about getting into school-the league of schools is much different. It's such a different world here in so many ways.

-I had my 25th birthday last week. I feel old, although I did have a teacher ask me for my hall pass a few weeks ago. And I had a student tell me he thought I was a student when he first walked into class.

-This Tuesday Michael and I celebrate our 3rd anniversary. It's been the best year for us by far. Lately we've noticed how much fun we have together, and have grown so much closer this year. We are so excited for what the year to come will bring.

-We got our first real snow fall here, and I loved every second of it!! (Except the few seconds when I almost slid into a brand new Chevy Suburban while getting used to driving in the snow/ice).

-We're headed home to Oregon tomorrow for Christmas and to see friends and family, and we have been looking forward to it immensely!

2007-11-20T11:42:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow we're headed to Colorado for Thanksgiving. We have reason to be extra thankful this year, as our brand new niece entered the world last Friday. We are excited for a break and to be around family.

Real Life on TV

2007-11-10T11:34:00.000-08:00

The other day my mom told me about an episode of "Brothers & Sisters," a show I have never seen. In the episode, one of the characters has a miscarriage, and then a D & C (I had a D & E). I decided to watch it...

The beginning of the show started with the excitement of having just discovered the pregnancy. Because I knew what was going to happen, I kept waiting for the sad event to happen. She went to the OBGYN and had an ultrasound. I felt like in a way I was reliving my own experience, except she had no idea what was about to happen, and I did. The doctor looked at the screen, expecting everything to be fine, and then adjusted the screen, staring at it more closely for a few moments. At this point, the woman sensed something was wrong.

I remember watching the face of my ultrasound technician, laying there at 1:30 in the morning. She looked for an extra amount of time on the screen, while Michael and I both held each others' hands and our breath in anticipation. Deep down we knew the news was bad, especially as we studied her face and saw in her eyes a hopelessness as she spent extra time searching the screen for some sign of life.

The doctor on the show then told the woman, "I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but I can't find a heartbeat." Those were the same words we heard that night, and the memory of it hit me all over again.

Later in the episode the woman admits she can't bring herself to drink a cup of coffee. That would somehow validate the truth that she no longer needs to be aware of what she eats or drinks-I remember going through that same thought process. At the end of the show, after her surgery, the woman said to her mom, "I think I just need to be sad for a while." Only someone who has experienced that kind of loss can understand the true depth of those words.

What I've learned through this whole process is that there are times when I just need to embrace the sadness that washes over me. Sometimes the sadness hits as a direct response to something, like seeing a pregnant woman or a brand new infant or getting an email from a pregnant friend. But sometimes it's a bit more subtle, when it's just a "normal" day, yet somewhere deep down I feel a little empty, like a piece of me is missing.

I've noticed that the sad moments have decreased in frequency, though they still happen. And I think as time moves on, they will continue to decrease in amount though not always in intensity. Part of me knows that these sad moments will never completely disappear, and truthfully, I don't want them to.

Back in the School Environment

2007-11-09T06:51:00.001-08:00

Since I started substituting I have been very busy. I've been glad to get called almost every day, and mostly in the same building which is only a few minutes from our apartment. After only a couple weeks, though, I'm already realizing how different this is than having my own room with my own students. I don't have nearly as much of an opportunity to build relationships with students.

The other day I was subbing for a study hall and a student asked to go to his locker. He came back a little while later and reeked of cigarette smoke. He had been working really hard on his math homework. Then he sat talking to a friend telling him how his parents keep making him take drug tests, and he's figured out how to get around them, and how if they find him taking drugs again they are sending him to a rehab/boot camp place in Utah.

And of course, he didn't think I could hear a word he was saying, as all students think teachers, especially substitutes, are deaf. I sat there frustrated, knowing there was no real point in confronting him or doing anything about the fact that I suspected that he was smoking. Not to mention, he could care less. He obviously had bigger problems. The thing that killed me was that if I were his regular teacher, and had built a relationship with him, I would have felt more compelled to do something. He seemed to care a little about homework- he was sitting there working on his math for most of the period.

I don't mind substituting. One of the big perks is that I read all day. Usually I pass out a worksheet for the students to work on, or they watch a movie. Most teachers just make the lesson plans super easy for a sub, so I am more like a glorified babysitter for high school (and occasionally middle school) students.
So, I have read a lot of books. In the past week I've read the following:

Barack Obama's "Audacity of Hope"
"The Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier" by Ishmael Beah
"The Five People You Meet in Heaven" and "For One More Day" both by Mitch Albom
"Child of the Jungle" by Sabine Kuegler

Coping

2007-10-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

My emotions have been up and down lately. Last weekend at church during a baby dedication I found myself completely fine as the pastor shared a few words, and the moment he stared praying I began weeping uncontrollably. I may be entering a depression stage of grief, because I find myself sad beyond words. I zone out and stare off into space, and my heart feels heavy. Michael senses my sadness, and wants me to be open to talking about it with him, but truthfully, I have no words. The only thing I find myself being able to verbalize, is "I'm feeling sad today," which is usually followed by a bout of tears.

It's been good to process with our friends that I posted about the other day, who recently had a miscarriage. Knowing that someone else is going through some of the same emotions at almost the same time is helpful, somehow, because it simply validates everything I'm feeling. And, she understands the struggle to deal with everyday life (as everyone else moves on) in the midst of grief.

It's been five weeks. In some ways it feels like it just happened, and in other ways it feels like an eternity ago. Michael and I have continued to dialogue about our future, as we keep thinking about post-graduate school. The internship he is required to have next fall could be just that-a three month "internship" where we would leave after it's done-or, it could be a full-time job that is more long-term. And I find myself trying to figure out how a baby will fit into the picture-or rather, when.

I still see babies and young children at work and hear myself automatically thinking, "I want a baby of my own." And I also want to say to these mothers, "I hope you are cherishing every second with your little child, because you are so lucky to have a healthy baby." Sometimes I think more deeply, "Well, maybe they have had a hard time too. I don't know their story."

And then I find myself looking around, wondering how many others are grieving some kind of loss, but are forced to carry on with life, pasting on a smile and going through the motions of every day life.

Busy

2007-10-25T06:47:00.001-07:00

I haven't had much time with the computer because Michael usually has it for school. Plus, our "free" internet is no longer available in our apartment, so we are limited that way.

I've been busy lately, with interviews and working. Yesterday was my first official day substituting! It was anti-climatic, because all I did was push play on a DVD player for three periods. Today I have another interview with a district much closer, and I have a third interview next week, in a district that is a block or two from our apartment. I think three districts will be good for now. We'll see what happens, though I had to turn down a sub job this morning because of my interview today.

Last weekend we went to New Jersey to see Oregon friends. I'll post some pictures of our apple-picking adventure later.