Sunday, March 30, 2008

Blessings in the mail

This week I got a card in the mail from a very dear friend of mine. I have been blessed with a few (as Anne of Green Gables would say) "kindred spirits" in my life, and this is one of those friends. We may not talk every day, or even very often, but we have a connection and openness that revives instantly the moment we reconnect. I am thankful for my experience of being on summer staff at Twin Rocks, because when I think about people I value in my life, I'm amazed at how many precious friendships have come from that place, including this one.

It's been fun over the last few years to get updates from old summer staff members. New jobs, relationships, and a lot of weddings continue to happen (and after the weddings come the baby announcements). This year alone I can think of at least five weddings, and I'm sure there are more that I am forgetting.

But back to the card. In it were words of truth that brought tears to my eyes. As we both are struggling to have patience and wait upon the Lord for his timing, we have found encouragement from one another. As I read her words, I felt they echoed my own thoughts. So thank you, Dear Friend, for your words of encouragement and truth:

Our Lord is truly MIGHTY TO SAVE. If he can move mountains, he can surely bless us and grant us the desires of our heart. Whenever I begin to doubt...I reassure myself that God is all I need. I wanted to get married, and God blessed me with a wonderful husband. Anything else that happens now, I tell myself, is purely extra. I don't NEED a child. I would love to have one more than anything, but when it comes down to it God is really all I need...God can do so much for us in the "waiting."

And so I wait.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

This week as a Substitute

I enjoyed my Spring Break last week, though much of it was spent getting over a nasty cold (I thought I should specify what kind of sick I was feeling, since certain family members were wondering if my sickness referred to flu-like symptoms), and working at the restaurant. Regardless, it was nice to have a break and time to slow down and see my husband.

The week before Spring Break I substituted most of the week in the Parenting/Childhood Development classroom. During the Parenting class we watched movies such as "Cheaper by the Dozen," "Parent Trap," and "Yours, Mine and Ours," as students studied family units. The Childhood development class is actually a preschool, where the high school students plan and teach lessons they've created. It was fun to get to spend the week with three and four years olds-they are undeniably adorable!

This week I am lucky enough to be substituting again for the same teacher. This week the Parenting class is studying (what else?) pregnancy. Today we watched a video, "Eating for two," all about how to handle nutrition and health during pregnancy, and tomorrow we will be watching a very scientific video showing the process of conception and fertilization (from the inside, of course!). And, I get to continue to enjoy working with the preschoolers. These kids are at such a fun age, where they are learning how to interact with peers, and always say the darndest things. All that to say that I'm enjoying substituting this week, though working with little ones is exhausting as well.

Monday, March 17, 2008

I've been at home sick for the past week. I called into work sick on Wednesday, pushed through Thursday, and stayed home all day Friday and Saturday. I tried working Sunday and came home after an hour. I'm feeling better today, and fortunately it's my Spring Break this week, so I have more time to rest. (I'm still working at the restaurant, but at least I can sleep in).

I think my body has been trying to tell me something: I'm working too much. Or rather, I need to rest more. I think I'm going to cut down to three closing shifts a week at the restaurant, at least for a little while. I get sick like this whenever I push myself too hard. Last spring this happened and I lost my voice for a couple days, in the midst of graduate school and student teaching. It's amazing that our bodies are made to let us know when we need to rest.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Springtime Thoughts

Psalm 71:5-7

O lord, you alone are my hope.
I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.

Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother's womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!

My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and my protection.

These verses have been on my mind and heart over the last few weeks. I was doing a Bible study activity, studying about how God is, among many names, my Hope. The reference was for the first verse, but as I read on I was amazed at how much the words spoke to where I am at.

I haven't written about what's on my mind as much as I could. For one, I go days without checking my email or using the computer. (I started this blog two days ago and am just now able to continue). Two, I wonder at times whether what I am thinking is worth writing about for others to read.

But, for what it's worth, I'll share a little bit:

Lately my biggest struggle is not being able to go very long without thinking about my hopes and desires for a baby. I thought I was handling it fine, and mostly I am, but some days it's hard. It's hard because we are waiting to know what our future looks like, and I am struggling between being practical and giving into my need to ease my immediate hopes and longings. Does that make me selfish also? Unhappiness with both of my jobs probably adds to my current anxiety. Being that it is spring time, this all comes to my mind more often. I would be due in a month. My friends from college just had their baby, and they were due a month before we were. I had kept track of how many friends and family were pregnant when we were, and now many of them have already had their baby.

It's springtime, and I am looking forward to warmer days, and sunshine, and getting little steps closer to knowing our future: where? when? how long? what will we be doing? And, when will the wait be over?