Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Springtime Thoughts

Psalm 71:5-7

O lord, you alone are my hope.
I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.

Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother's womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!

My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and my protection.

These verses have been on my mind and heart over the last few weeks. I was doing a Bible study activity, studying about how God is, among many names, my Hope. The reference was for the first verse, but as I read on I was amazed at how much the words spoke to where I am at.

I haven't written about what's on my mind as much as I could. For one, I go days without checking my email or using the computer. (I started this blog two days ago and am just now able to continue). Two, I wonder at times whether what I am thinking is worth writing about for others to read.

But, for what it's worth, I'll share a little bit:

Lately my biggest struggle is not being able to go very long without thinking about my hopes and desires for a baby. I thought I was handling it fine, and mostly I am, but some days it's hard. It's hard because we are waiting to know what our future looks like, and I am struggling between being practical and giving into my need to ease my immediate hopes and longings. Does that make me selfish also? Unhappiness with both of my jobs probably adds to my current anxiety. Being that it is spring time, this all comes to my mind more often. I would be due in a month. My friends from college just had their baby, and they were due a month before we were. I had kept track of how many friends and family were pregnant when we were, and now many of them have already had their baby.

It's springtime, and I am looking forward to warmer days, and sunshine, and getting little steps closer to knowing our future: where? when? how long? what will we be doing? And, when will the wait be over?


Lissa said...

I'm glad you posted this. I was wondering how you were handling everything as April comes closer. Nate and I went out on a date last night. We watched the movie Juno. Didn't think there would be anything wrong with that, but at two different times I looked over and Nate was balling. The first time was when they showed the ultrasound. Everything hit him all over again. And it did for me too. We thought we were 'fine' but it's still a part of who we are. And it's still a part of who you are too.
I understand the anxiousness.
Thanks so much for sharing.


MrsTroyers Blog said...

Hey there Melissa...I have been going through the same thing. We've been trying for 3 cycles..this is our 4th cycle. It's a constant wondering why and's hard with pregnant friends and sisters either pregnant or talking trying soon. Jeph and I so desperately want to be parents soon. :) I am praying for Gods timing is always best. Follow your heart no matter what the circumstances..God speaks to our hearts in the smallest voice.
The greatest prayer is praising God!!

God Bless...Love LeAnne

Anonymous said...

After "sort of" trying for two years, and REALLY trying for one year, I tend to vascilate between desperately wanting a child, and trusting in God's timing. And I'm not sure if it has gotten easier with time or harder. But I can't imagine how hard it would be to want to be trying, and yet feel like we shouldn't be tryng. Thanks for being willing to talk so openly in your blog about such personal things. We miss you!
~Stephanie T.