O lord, you alone are my hope.
I've trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother's womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!
My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and my protection.
These verses have been on my mind and heart over the last few weeks. I was doing a Bible study activity, studying about how God is, among many names, my Hope. The reference was for the first verse, but as I read on I was amazed at how much the words spoke to where I am at.
I haven't written about what's on my mind as much as I could. For one, I go days without checking my email or using the computer. (I started this blog two days ago and am just now able to continue). Two, I wonder at times whether what I am thinking is worth writing about for others to read.
But, for what it's worth, I'll share a little bit:
Lately my biggest struggle is not being able to go very long without thinking about my hopes and desires for a baby. I thought I was handling it fine, and mostly I am, but some days it's hard. It's hard because we are waiting to know what our future looks like, and I am struggling between being practical and giving into my need to ease my immediate hopes and longings. Does that make me selfish also? Unhappiness with both of my jobs probably adds to my current anxiety. Being that it is spring time, this all comes to my mind more often. I would be due in a month. My friends from college just had their baby, and they were due a month before we were. I had kept track of how many friends and family were pregnant when we were, and now many of them have already had their baby.
It's springtime, and I am looking forward to warmer days, and sunshine, and getting little steps closer to knowing our future: where? when? how long? what will we be doing? And, when will the wait be over?